Lickety Lime or Zombie Green?

I have a nail thing.


I love nails that are polished, and even better, neatly manicured and polished.
Neatly manicured and polished nails do not, and have rarely ever described my nails. I don't have the patience to wait for nail polish to dry, and even if I did, I don't have enough nails for the polish, since I bite them so far down the nail bed I can't even get clippers underneath them.


The only time my nails could be described as manicured and polished was when I was pregnant with my first-born, 20 pounds heavier than I'd ever been in my life, and high on pregnancy supplements that had the lovely effect of giving me strong, fast-growing nails. Such beautiful long nails never before seen on my hands! Then Drama Girl was born, and the brief glory period of my nails ended.


So after my neighbor showed off her shellac'd nails, looking all posh and cute and well, polished, I thought, hmm, neato.


Then I found myself at one of those end shelves at Target staring at Sally Hansen's Insta-Dry nail polish.


And saw a bottle of Lickety Split Lime. The image doesn't do it justice. It's spring! it's lime! It's lime spring! It's lickety split springtime in a bottle! It's happiness incarnate, as far as nail colors go. And who knew, you could buy nail polish on Amazon?

This is the color of my nail polish. 

The refreshing citrus zing is how it makes me feel. Does this look like Zombie food to you?

And it's only one coating needed, insta dry!
Insta-Happy!


Then. Out in the Garden, with Posh Shellac Nail Chic:
Why do you have zombie green nails?
They are not zombie green, they are Lickety Split Lime! A bright, spring, sunshine-y color of joy!
Looks like zombie green to me.
What do you know?


In the house... what do you think of these nails dear Drama Girl?
Reminds me of Zombies.
Zombies? Cool! Oh totally, it's like, zombie green mom, says Turbo.
Zombies?


Yeah. That's so cool... then Turbo starts kinda drooling at the bottle, because zombie green to a 7 year old means something, man...


It's... it's Lickety...
Zombies, Mom, it's Zombie Green.


Fine. I like Zombie Green. Zombie Green reminds me of spring and makes me happy.
I like it too mom! says Bear and Turbo in unision.
It's kinda creepy, says Drama Girl.
It's  braaaainnnnssss....


It's a powerful lesson on perspective really.


One person's lemon is another's lemonade.
One person's junk is another man's treasure.
One gal's Zombie Green is another's Lickety Split Lime of Happy.


It's all in how you see it.

April...Snow!!!

I Still don't believe it.


My weather forecast says cloudy and does not mention snow, however, this may be April saying, yo, hey, it can totally still snow in April, even sometimes, in May...

We'll see.


But that means I can't put my beanstalk out, the one I'm growing so I can climb into the clouds and steal a Golden Egg. This one:

It is totally exactly the same as the one I have in my windowsill waiting to be planted.

I'd take a picture of that one, but I lost my camera card. 

This is why gardeners in Colorado don't plant anything that says 'wait til last frost' until Mother's Day, just to be safe.

Climbing the beanstalk is partly why I'm doing the Couch to 5K. Once I get to the top, I'll have to run away from the big mean giant, and I can't really do that if I can't run a block.

So it's the end of Week 2 of the Couch to 5K, and I've faithfully run/walked three miles, for 30 minutes: 15 running and 15 walking, alternately every 2 minutes. I had to jump ahead because I'm using my iPhone clock as a timer since Turbo stole my running watch and neither he, Bear nor myself can find it, and that timer doesn't have a 90 second option, just minutes. 

In other news, there is no other news. I blew off yesterday's networking meeting because I just wasn't up to it, because the secret of networking is based on building relationships, not just attending events, and while this group does help build relationships, I haven't really found the right mix for me, and trying to build relationships while you're trying to redefine just about everything you've ever believed about work and career and home life, is a bit exhausting. So I'll pop in next week, hopefully with a better definition.

Also, yesterday was gorgeous, so Husbear and I popped out to Home Depot and lunch. This, I have to admit, is a nice thing. I'm beginning to see my husband again. Anyone who's ever been married to someone who was solely defined by work will understand what I mean, because being married to a job is really crappy, because jobs as personality goes aren't exactly nurturing, loving, or fun. And people who are their job tend to not be happy. Do I need to quote more happiness data?  So everyone should endeavor to be anything but their job. Of course, we all need jobs, because doing something every day is good for us, just as long as you remember that hey, it's just a job.

I think kids are the best barometer for this. Watch how kids play. I'm looking at my kids now, and yesterday's school day is a distant memory. They are engaged in the moment right now. We should all play like children!

April showers bring May flowers, the theory

I like to think that all the job seeds I've planted and have been nurturing will explode in May, sort of like those turnip seeds I planted. I went out to check my garden and they are just everywhere. I've thinned most of them out, and learned to trust that seeds, when planted, want to grow, and will overcome most normal garden challenges to grow, and despite all concern and worry on my part, most will sprout and burst through the ground suddenly, creating a layer of green buds across the soil. It makes me giddy.

I think of my job search like that, and it sets me off on the right mood to go on with the day.

I have a new policy for my search, because two months in I'm seeing how easy it is to let the search become stagnant, which makes me feel stagnant, which drags me back to the days when I stayed home and watched the kids and hung out at the parks and reservoirs and such, which sounds nice, and then I think, oh I should do that... and then I realize I'm only saying that because the job search is stagnant, and then I drink some coffee and analyze the situation.

I came up with a new idea that isn't new or original, but hey, what idea is new or original?

Every week, I do something new. This week, it was go check out every good job-guide book from the library, re-do every cover letter to make it more impactful, change my resume to highlight skills over titles, and my most favorite, to start seeking out jobs in the industry and career I actually want to be in. I took the husband to the library... BOOKS! all the books!! -- I can assure you the career section is now mostly empty, except perhaps for the career books from 1983. They really aren't going to be helping anyone anytime soon.

This one is a big one. I'll go into it some other day, but one of my minor regrets (I don't believe in regrets, because the things you regret are the things that often teach you the most) is not pursuing the industry and job titles I really want in exchange for the easy-to-get job.  It's probably the biggest change I made, and I'm hoping it will pay off.

April, now that we're at the end of it, has also brought some serious spring fever to the children in the house. Bear, in particular, can barely make it through a day at school without some sort of attack of spring fever affecting his mood and behavior. They are all up earlier, more energetic and filled with a longing for summer. Kids are a great reminder that life is more than just work. Kids excel at balancing work and play. The moment that school bell rings, they've forgotten they've just spent a full day working, and with full abandon, run off and play. More adults should be like that.

It's the sun and weather, though, that are making them so well, springy. They only have 4 weeks left of school and they know it. Homework is lagging, kids are staring out the window and when the bell rings they are gone. I remember these last days of school during the school year -- that happy place of daydreaming in math and running across green fields and feeling giddy at the first warm, not rainy-wet day -- nothing beats it. **Unless you live in a place where it's really hot, then I imagine every day is like this, except maybe January**

Ah as April ends, May should be a blooming month full of goody jobs, or turnips. For certain, radishes.

Two months in and still going

During the past two months of my job search/not-working/alligator-wrestling/fairy hunting, I discovered a few things I think would be worth sharing:

I love being outside. I'm giddy about my garden, the Couch-to-5K program I started on, and my new love of my rollerblades, which I'd be on today if it weren't for the rain thing going on outside my house right now.

The best job hunting and career advice can be found from this blogger, who has the added benefit of not being a professional career advisor/job hunter. Reading this blog has helped me create the most effective CVs and Resumes, and her blurbs on people finally making it are really inspirational. So much of job advice and career advice is a series of All The Things you Must Do that you're Not Doing and Your Life  Must Be About this Search. Which is untrue, unwise, and soul-crushing. Especially if you do not want to be your job.

I love Pocky, but not the creepy, weird cheesecake flavored Pocky.

I stole this directly from the Asian Food Grocer's website:

Pocky is a delicious, fun biscuit dessert from Japan. The name "Pocky" is derived from the sound that this crispy snack makes when eaten. At Asian Food Grocer, shop the many varieties of delectable Pocky treats from traditional favorites like Strawberry and Chocolate to more unusual flavors such as Chocolate coverd Coconut. Not only are Pocky sticks covered in a diverse assortment of frostings, but they also come in a broad array of styles and shapes. Give Glico's Pocky bits a try for a fun twist on an original favorite. For a more grown up taste, try Pretz - the same mouthwatering Pocky without the sweet outer frosting.

Satisfy your sweet tooth, check out more of our Japanese Snacks & Candies.

Penelope Trunk says you should never be your job, too. I agree with her. The best keep-it-real advice comes from this woman. She's funny, and does a great job reminding people that hey, your life is your life and you shouldn't stress because you try new things with your career and you don't care about moving constantly upward. I don't care about moving constantly upward. I care about being in a job where I love what I'm doing, can advance should I choose to do so without bumping into a ridiculously low advancement ceiling, and working with a good team.  I need to take care of my career path, not follow an archaic set-path.

The best way to get what you want in life is to be who you are, do what you must do as yourself, to get what it is you want, to have the things you need to have to be happy. This from Gawain's popular book on Creative Visualization. Even if you don't buy the theory, you can't argue with the truth of the statement. Most people do this backwards, they try to make a lot of money, or do a bunch of things that go contrary to their nature/who they are in order to get the things they want, so they can be happy. So what you have is a lot of people working very hard at things they don't enjoy, because they aren't looking at who they are, doing things that fit with who they are, to get the things that will really make them happy.

This is why, despite my complete lack of employment, I spend so much time writing about my garden. I love gardening. It started when I was really young, trying to grow a rubber plant in my dorm room when I was in the military, to my attempts at container gardening in my apartment in Virginia, to the awesome garden I left behind in Washington, to today, in my community garden plot conveniently located right across the street, the view from my side-windows. It's also why I write about Pocky, Children, Writing, and my constant attempts to become an Avid Runner. It's also why I spend so much time reading the Pioneer Woman. For the longest time, I thought I was the only one who entertained the fantasy of living a life on a cattle ranch blogging about gardens, photography and children. Then I checked her comments page.

If I were an Avid Runner, I would have been able to apply to a job at a company where that was one of the qualifications. However, everyone I spoke with agreed I was not an avid runner, but given some time and effort, I could become one.


There are entire studies on "happy" and they all point to the same thing: stuff, money and jobs do not for happy make. The How of Happiness pretty much tells you how to be happy, but if you're not pre-disposed to being happy, it'll require work. People mix up jobs and happy all the time. It's what helps people be unhappy, this belief that the right job will make them happy. A good job you enjoy will help your happiness, but won't make or break it. That's why instead of being unhappy while looking for work, I'm only mildly stressed and panicky.

Pocky doesn't just come in chocolate, it comes in a bajillion other flavors! This makes me happy, because you can only eat so many chocolate-covered biscuits.

And those are the few things I've learned so far.

Happy Easter!

Where'd this come from!

Here I was minding my own business dealing with my least favorite thing of all time, job hunting/alligator wrestling/lion taming, when I stepped on the scale, and saw the number had increased.

By five!

Now, this isn't a huge deal, except maybe that I was well on my way toward losing (thinking about losing) ten!

So that was not fun, and led me to decide that yogurt breakfasts and salad lunches are pretty much going to be the standard until I get down ten pounds.

With some slight deviations to account for Pocky. Be sure to spell it Pocky, if you're googling it, and not pokie or pockie. Two completely different sets of results, trust me.

Pocky is this Japanese biscuit-treat dipped in chocolate, and now that I've found it, I just can't let it go. Look, you can buy some here. Or you can just go to Sunflower Markets. Or Safeway, really. But with only 90 calories, I'm justifying it.

Except the salad flavor ones. Not really sure how those are appetizing.

And really, I don't know if I wanted to share my new weight loss plan, or just talk about pocky, because I ate all the almond chocolate pocky and am resisting the chocolate ones.

Or maybe I'm just procrastinating life, and pocky is the means by which to do it.
Because if you're going to procrastinate, you might as well enjoy some pocky, while you're at it.

Gardening and hunting

It’s early spring, and I’ve got my plants started indoors. Zone 5 means you really should start seeds indoors, or risk losing them to the mid-April, end-April and early May snows that rarely fail.

See, here are my happy seedlings.

They only took up one windowsill, yes, they, there are more trays than just the one above. But I had to put some of the seedlings in bigger pots. So now this other kitchen windowsill is taken up to.

These are ready for the garden.

           

Of course, I’m not really gardening. What I’m doing is looking for a job. Only, I love gardening, and my seedlings needed to be put in bigger pots, which reminded me, I need to sort the flowers for my sons planter. And anyhow, the past two days haven’t been really great job hunting days for me. So I pulled out his planter and set it up for him.

Turbo built this ALL by HIMSELF. Hammer, nails, yep, all of it. Painted it too, each color represnets a crop! Turns out Home Depot has a kid workshop on the first Saturday of every month. Everyone knows this, of course, except me. I only sorta knew it, in the way that there were signs out occasionally and on some Saturdays, I noticed kids in little Home Depot aprons with pins stuck to their chests like medals wandering around. But I mostly ignored it, until a friend of my son’s ran up to him and showed him the planter he made.

So now my son has a Home Depot apron with his very first pin: the planter pin, and I have instructions to make sure I take him to Home Depot every first Saturday of every first month.

The liner in the planter is coconut liner cut to fit. I never knew planters were often lined with coconut hair.

So of course, I’m looking for a job, but first I had to garden. Then I had to take pictures so I could share them.  Then I had to make sure everything was ready for my boy to plant his flower seeds tonight.

He already has some flower seedlings and eggplant seedlings. But for his planter he wants flowers. 

Also, he and I are  the only ones who’ll eat the eggplant he’s growing. No one else will touch the stuff.

And now I’ll commence job hunting. I’m not sure if you can accurately call it ‘hunting’ however. It resembles more of a casino visit. If you hang around long enough, and wander around enough of the games, and play enough of them, then eventually, you’ll win something.

But no one ever admits that. Everyone talks about targeting your search or networking (yes, I realize that's an e-how article, that's the thing, the only people who know how to network don't actually need to network... ah, cruel irony) or guerilla hunting (It has a certain appeal, the same kind of appeal that say, alligator wrestling has...). But really, it’s doing a bit of everything, tossing some salt over your shoulder and considering that maybe a career in retail isn't all that bad... until you land somewhere.

And since, my friends tell me, I am SO MUCH MORE than just a job, I am doing my best to maintain all the other parts of my life that while I enjoy, don’t actually provide income. Vegetables and herbs, perhaps, but not actual income.

Speaking of vegetables, here’s my garden bed:

And look, radishes!  And a pea!

And daisies (I think)!

And my friend’s garlic. Really, that seems to me an excessive amount of garlic. Makes me wish I’d thought to put garlic in the ground last year.  

And so that's how my job hunt is going. 

Some peas and radishes sprouting, a bit of luck, some fertilizer, a targeted cover letter and resume, and hopefully, in May, I can have a yummy salad with a side of salary.

Early Spring

Is it still early spring?

It feels like it. I see tree buds ready to blossom and my seedlings are just beginning to emerge. I've got some late spring transplants happily growing indoors waiting for the end of the month when I place them in the garden.

I was going to take pictures of the start of my garden. I love taking pictures of the garden throughout the growing season to see how it starts, all neat, tidy and almost empty, through the end of the season when everything has grown in full and takes up all the space in the garden, however, I forgot to charge my camera battery.

Oops.

So there's no pictures.
But I assure you, the spring garden is sown, the seedlings developing lovely, and I'm hoping there's no sneaky frost coming before May, because some of these babies need to get into the ground soon!

Garden time -- but first a digression

This weekend I'll posts some pics of my newly planted garden.

I only planted early spring crops, because we're not past the frost date. I did have some success with seedlings I planted inside, and yep, I'll have pics of those too!

But today I had the weirdest morning ever.
I've been kinda in a reflectory mood lately (reflectory may not be a word, but it should be) and have been thinking about how to structure my days, how to create a plan moving forward, and how to hunker down and prepare for the ups and downs I'm going to end up going through, it's just how it is.

My biggest thing is my weekly networking group meeting which I have a love-hate relationship with.

I love this group, I really do, but I'm not quite sure how to actually truly be a part of it. They are a pay-it-forward group, which is great, and they do help, all you have to do is ask. The trick is, being specific about what you're asking for, and I'm not good at this. It's so... forward.... and direct... but it's key to the success and the entire point of the group. You ask, you receive, someone else asks, and one day, you can help. I'm a forward and direct person, I am even a pay-it-forward person -- but not when it comes to just me... I figure I should do things on my own, without help. I'll go do it, fix it, solve it... but that's not the point anymore.

So while I love the group, I alternately dread it, (see, me as an introvert) because it requires me to step out and do all the things I hate doing. Mainly, putting myself forward, being very specific and asking total strangers to help me out on all those tricky things... contacts, resume reading, how to handle situations, mock interviews... etc etc.

Igads. So this morning's meeting is done, and I have a couple of things to do, that bring me waaay out of my comfort zone, but must be done. And for some people, these things are ridiculously easy, and they think, what is your problem? I wish I was one of those people! Igads!

Keep Calm and Carry On

Today's little affirmation.

I don't handle things that exist outside of my control well, and when life gets a little out of control, some people batten down the hatches, grab their stash of library books, comfort foods and a blanket and hide out until some friendly soul practically beats down their door to let them know it's all right, it's over.

Not me.

No. I grab large rations of coffee, put on my beat something up gear (metaphorical, I don't really own beat up people gear) a rain poncho (because if my life is out of control, the weather's probably crappy, too) and whatever weaponry I feel I might need (metaphorical again, the closest thing I own to a weapon is my tween daughter's attitude).

Then I go looking for the thing in my life that is not being controlled by me, the person who SHOULD be controlling it and I don't care if there are things that exist out of my control, if there are, I will find a way to contain it, explain it, put it in a place where I can you know, control it somehow, even if by avoiding it... forever.

And all I have found currently, is that it is raining (literally, now), I haven't gotten things under control, and my plan isn't going as well-orchestrated as I had hoped.

So all I can do, to borrow a phrase I saw at Target, cuz it's AWESOME.

Is

Keep Calm and Carry On.

This little boy, eternally 13

There was this little boy, who was only 13, who decided, for whatever reason, for whatever pain, that enough was enough and he couldn't take whatever it was, anymore.

He killed himself the last day of school before Spring vacation. 13. He would have been 14 in May, but now, he is eternally 13.

Now, there are only 200 kids or so in Drama Girl's 8th grade class, so she knows him but she wasn't a close friend, just an acquaintance. She said Monday, at school, will be really hard. There will be an assembly. There will be counselors. There will be tears. There will be kids who are confused, kids who are devastated and kids who don't know what they should feel because they didn't know him, but for some reason, are still feeling like they did.

Suicide is such a harsh word. Killed himself. Took his own life. Whatever or however you phrase it, I wish there was a less harsh way to convey that there was something in him he couldn't reconcile with. At 13. And the people around him couldn't reach him, couldn't reach through this barrier... whether it was grief, depression, anger... it all reads as a barrier of pain and for some reason that barrier was too much.

And now a little boy is lost.

I can tell you he has a baby face.
I can tell you he looks happy in the picture they chose.
I can tell you he had friends.
I can tell you a bunch about him that is the stuff of typical 13 year old boys.

I can tell you I look at my girl, who's 14, with a baby face, and her 14 year old girlfriends, with their baby faces, and the 14 year old boys she hangs out with, and I can't imagine that any one of them would be lost that way.

The truth is, we cannot imagine that someone so young would be in so much emotional pain that it would drive them to act in such a final way.

And then I look at the picture of that smiling boy, eternally 13, and I mourn for him.

H&M... online in the U.S..... next year....

There's a lot of talk about this little Swedish shop that doesn't provide online shopping in the U.S. and only exists on the East and West coasts, and in Minnesota.  (Seriously, how do you miss out on the most consumer-obsessed nation in the world?)

(Minnesota?)

Anyhow.

Michelle Obama wore a $35 H&M dress.
Natalie Portman wore a $50 H&M dress.
Kate Middleton, who's marrying some prince or something, is said to shop H&M for some of her tops.

So what is the big deal? Why are we so excited about the fact that Natalie Portman and the First Lady, and the future Queen of England shops at H&M?

Because the clothes at H&M are affordable. Because most of the clothes that stars and celebrities and First Lady's and Queen's wear make them look amazing, and cost a lot of money, more money than most of us spend.

So if our fashion icons (all three are said to be stylish, sophisticated dressers) can wear outfits that cost less than $80, well, by golly, we can too! And... and maybe we'll even look as stylish and sophisticated!

But not yet.
Because I'm not anywhere near an H&M store.
But next year, when they pop up online in the U.S, I'll be as addicted as I am to BodenUSA.

So okay I'll write a post

My hoodie, DeNice, said she wished I'd write more in my blog.
I think she said it because I talk a lot about my blog, and about how I might write in it eventually, and she said, I wish you'd write in it.

So I'm going to write about my job search, and how my personality, INTJ, is directly at odds with the personality needed to do a successful job search, mainly the E part.

Oh, I can do the charts of jobs I applied to, track which resumes are getting pings and call-backs (keep those resumes, and apply to jobs of similar nature) and force myself to go out and talk to people I don't know because we all have to be nice and network.

But I'm an INTJ.

Which essentially means I like systems and processes and order and if those things are missing, I will create them. From scratch, enthusiastically. I'll hide myself away, come out occasionally to get information from other people, and then I will scurry back into my little world, and find solutions. That's me.

The other me likes to take something new, something shiny, an idea, and help it through to it's forever home, whether it's a product, a kid (still working on my three, they have some years left before they can fly away) or an idea.

I like to talk about both, systems and processes, and shiny new things.

Enter the screening call. I write good cover letters, well, I like to think I do, anyhow. I consider any cover letter that is accompanied by a call, a good cover letter.

So I get a screening call for a job I think I want at a company I've scouted out and done some research on, because I can't apply for a job unless I know who the company is, what the product is, and then, what other people think about said company and product. I like to be thorough. The person calls me.

Before the person calls me, I think, wow, I have to talk to someone, about a job that I want.

The thought makes me nervous because I'm an I, and not an E, and that pretty much sums that up, but it's not just the talking. I can talk. Anyone who knows me knows that talking isn't the problem. It's the stop-talking bit, and the interrupting-bit, and the nervous with strangers when I'm not the one in charge of the conversation bit. And the fact that I am fairly certain this would be a good company to work for, even if it's 40 minutes away and not a 9-5'er check-in/check-out job.

So I read that walking is good while doing a phone interview, because, well, I'm not sure why, but it's supposed to be good. But I forgot that I walk fast, and then realize I sound a bit too loud, a bit too short of oxygen, and I slow down. And in the end I think, wow, I totally blew that one.

But then the person who called said they'd schedule another phone interview.

I think, for that phone interview, I will pace slowly.

Date with Creativity

My personal theme for 2011 is Foundations, creating a life defined by me. Part of this is being more than someone who goes to work, comes home, puts dinner on the table and then collapses in front of crazy throw-back sci-fi shows from the early 90s, as enjoyable as that is. To accomplish this, it's important to ensure that when I do have time, I use it to do something I think is fun.

And so, Sunday, I worked on a little wreath project. I have a newly developed affection for wreaths. Drama girl made me a great fall/Thanksgiving wreath. For Christmas the year before last, I made a plaid holiday wreath.

What I was missing was a winter wreath.

I believe in having a wreath for all seasons. It's a new thing.

Yesterday, I dropped Turbo off at his birthday party, and hung out at Michael's.

The ingredients to my wreath.

I wanted it to reflect that beautiful cold, glittery winter, but also capture the hint of spring that we all look for sometimes on a really cold day.

I used a moist paper towel dipped in snow tac to make the wreath all snowed-on looking.

Then, I placed all the pieces on the wreath haphazardly, in a way I thought I might like.

It looks awful tacky. But it's a good start.

Less gaudy, still too much of everything. Nothing has been glued on or weaved into the wreath yet, so I can make lots of adjustments.

By the way, nothing beats a clearance sale at a craft store.

Nothing.

This is the outcome. I only used a 14"wreath because I knew I wanted to use a lot of sparkles, blues and silvers. It sits on my door very nicely. I love the red cardinals and butterflies.

It is a bit blingy, but in the cold days of winter, bling is good.

Coffee Table chat

Literally, a chat about coffee tables.

In a large living room, they are the centerpiece. The furniture your guests can put drinks on. The place to put pretty art books and cute candles. For those with children, the place children color (preferably coloring books and not the table), climb all over and generally help create the aged, distressed look so popular nowadays.

We had one of those. We still do, hiding out in the basement until we get have a living room large enough to contain it or children old enough to not destroy it. Coffee tables. Currently, we don't have one. We use an ottoman. This way, we don't have to get angry when the children sit on it.

This is our current coffee table.

(I'm not taking a picture of YOU honey, I'm taking a picture of the ottoman.)

Mother never lies.

But for real, are those not some of the scrawniest gangliest legs ever? I think that's all he is now, scrawny chicken leg boy. There really isn't much else to him. Just bones and knees and elbows.

Anyhow. It's not just an ottoman. It's an ottoman with Purpose.

We're big Mario fans in this household. Except Super Mario Galaxy. We find that one mostly frustrating. By We I mean my Turbo Boy. Not me. I have gotten to be quite an expert at catching the bunnies and star pieces...

Anyhoo. The point is, this is our coffee table/ottoman/storage because it's the only thing that works for us.

One day I like to imagine the children will be beyond distressing our furniture.

One day we'll be able to lug the ole distressed coffee table out.

One day, I will have a blog filled with pictures of lovely living room covered in white upholstery and decorated with delicate candles and art books.

Until then, I'll have to accept that most of my household decor is faux-everything from Target, our candles are big lugs of wax that mostly no one gets hurt by and our upholstery is a washable twill that is not white.

This way, we don't have to be angry when the children distress it.

Heart of Winter

I always view January as the Heart of Winter.
It is often (where I live) the coldest month.
I always find January to be extraordinarily long.

But it's not just that it's the midst of winter, or the longest month.
It's also a time I view as sacred to the growth and energy spring brings.

It's a time to go back to the ground, back to earth. A time to stay quiet, reflect on the past seasons and prepare for the rebirth that spring brings every year. January is the time to reflect, plan, and store energy.

Soon, sooner than we think, the snows melt. The days lengthen. The winds change. Green sprouts through muddy ground. Birds sing through sunrises. Children run wild with the first scent in the air.

Now is the time to withdraw just a little within, to slow down and savor the time of solitude, using it for yourself, for your spring.

We're in the heart of winter.

Embrace it!

2011 - Building a Foundation

One of my fave friend bloggers came up with a word to define this new year, 2011.
She, the newly-stay-at-home-mother of just-turned -1-year old twins chose the word Nurture.

I loved this idea, and had to come up with one of my own. I love other people's ideas!
The past year I would best describe as react. I simply seemed to do things based on things that had happened. Nothing was really chosen by me, but by the things I needed to deal with.

This year, I'm choosing the word, the vision and the path:
My word for 2011 is Foundations.

Foundation.

This year I will set the foundation for the next 20 years, probably more, but Ilike the number 20. It took me 20 years to get where I am now, and so i'd like to focus on the next 20.

This year will be dedicated to setting up the basis for me to achieve and live the life I want to live, a life dedicated to meaningful work I choose and a life filled with time for
family, friends, husband, prosperity, happiness and the things that come when you choose your life.

So this year I work toward those goals. Of course every vision must have defined specific tasks to help reach that goal of creating a year of foundations. I have the standard life-long goals: taking care of myself healthwise, the constant battle to get in optimum shape and stay fit, to lose the eternally present 15 pounds, but for my vision, my word, Foundations, I have three major areas to work on throughout the year that will build my future, each with tangible goals I'm in the process of writing out now:

Financial improvement (notice I didn't say freedom, I don't see that happening in one year ;)

Adding creativiy daily - a focus on not only writing my novels, but incorporating the creative process of into my life every day not just writing, which is now a part of my daily existence, but taking a picture from a different angle, making a wreath. Doing something small every day that is crafty, creative, unique, and requires a sense of play.

Choosing my work -- I never wish to be marked by life's circumstances, unless those circumstances happen to be the ones I am hoping for. Sometimes, life does mark us, does create circumstances we aren't prepared for, and we have to face it and revise and adapt. But there
is much about our life we can choose and make our own, and work is often one of those. My work
will be an extension of me, a part of me. So the work I choose to do, that will pay the bills while still helping me achieve the life I want, doing the work I want, will be work that I choose.

Foundation.

I will build the rest of my life on the foundation
of the choices I make this year!

Anyone else have a word for 2011?

Bored Children Requires Project

Answer: Caterpillars and Ladybugs.

Question: What to do with two bored kids, a cold winter day and an egg carton?

2011, the year before 2012

...and the year after 2010.

I think most of us have some very strong opinions about 2010.

It wasn't exactly our best year yet.

Certainly not my best, but it wasn't the worst, and here's to hoping that 2011 is a step in the OTHER direction.

To be quite frank, to be one-hundred percent honest, the entire decade was a bit shaky for me.

So I look to 2011 as a chance to move toward a better year, a better future, a better life.

I wrote something similar on my other blog, so no need to go into details here, but I expect that 2011 is going to be a busy year for me, because I'm making it about me.

Yes.

Me.

2011 is all mine baby.

Yeah yeah the kids, I know, I'll take care of them.

There's the job, yeah, I'll show up there.

Husband, yup, I'll take care of him.

But... but there's more... there's... ME!

And 2011 is going to be all about me being me. It will make me a better worker, a better mom and a better, yes me.

I have no hard and fast goals for 2011. It's not like by 2012 I expect something concrete. No.

What I expect, is that by 2012, I'll be living a life defined by me, for me, that benefits my entire family.

Wish me luck!

....

p.s. okay I lied... I'm also going to try to blog regularly again...

Dastardly Dentistry

I, like many people, am not a fan of the dentist.

Or the orthodontics.

Or hospitals.

I still have my wisdom teeth. (Yes! For real!)

I visited the dentist today for a general exam.

Many people like to combine an exam and cleaning into one.

I'm not one of them.

I discovered the joyful news that most, as in all but two, of my fillings will need to be redone.

Also, before I continue on my orthodontric path to braces and jaw surgery, I'll need three wisdom teeth pulled.

There's a chance I'll get to keep one, and I hope I do.

Just because, how many people have a wisdom tooth actually come in?

If I get to the point of orthodontics and so forth, I'll be sure to post about it. With pictures.

If there's one thing I learned from the leek juice in the eyeball incident, it's that I should have taken pictures.

Washing without shampoo

I've been reading a lot of articles lately about how we shouldn't wash our hair with the modern-day chemical concoctions we call shampoo. I can get behind that. Chemicals are drying and icky and tend to give you scalp issues if you have a sensitive scalp.

Millions of Americans use shampoo every day and don't have hair or

scalp issues, but that's beside the point. Lets just agree that chemicals are icky.

And lets just say that, yes, shampoos are chemical concoctions.

There are alternatives! We don't need to be held slaves to sodium laurel sulfate.

1. Wash with water and a boar and bristle brush.

Welcome to pre-Cleopatra. Welcome to pre-civilization. Welcome to England, in th

e dark ages.

You get the point. However, if you have a boar bristle brush, and you do a good vigorous brushing after washing your hair in water, you should be set to go. The brushing is essential to get particles, dust and you know, dirt, off of your scalp, and to distribute the natural oils evenly. You'll have a point where your hair goes through a de-tox stage and becomes a source of fuel with the amount of grease and oil it produces. But after that, and with 100 brushes a night, it'll look fab.

2. Wash with water, baking soda paste. Rinse with vinegar. Apple cider vinegar is acceptable, too, I believe.

This also creates a greasy, oily hair phase, but not as intense as straight not washing, from what I understand. This one is to me seems acceptable. After all, baking soda is used in toothpaste, so it's not a far stretch to use it in place of shampoo, right? And who doesn't love the smell of vinegar? The key is to make a paste out of a small amount of the baking soda, no more than a teaspoon (claims the all-knowing internet). Then rub it into the crown of your hair, and rub rub rub. Then wash it out with water. Then, do a vinegar rinse. Your hair will.... feel a sight more clean than if you only washed with water and a bristle brush. Speaking of boar bristle brushes, you'll still need one for this option.

3. Wash less, with a natural shampoo.

This one sounds the mainstream compromise. You avoid chemically concoctions, but still don't feel as if you're hair, while smooth and shiny, may not be fully clean, in the American definition. It also lets you off the hook for washing your hair every time you shower, and lets you claim that you only use natural products in your hair. No sodium laurel sulfate for you. I believe for this option, a boar bristle brush is not required, but is recommended, as brushing your hair with a boar bristle brush is good in any option.

I tried the first option. For about three days. Half-heartedly. Besides, it was the weekend. But I have no tolerance for oily hair, and with fine hair, it was oily on day two and a half.

Option two sounds appealing only if you're out camping and run out of normal shampoo. "No, no suave, honey, looks like you forgot it, but hey, we've got some baking soda and vinegar...."

Option 3 seems to hold the most promise. Pay a lot of money for natural shampoo or make your own, and wash less. Maybe two to three times a week.

I have to admit, I'm curious to find out for real, what will happen if you choose option two. Option one is not really a good one for people with fine hair, but baking soda, vinegar? That could work. Unfortunately, I don't have the gumption to try it. I admit it. I would choose option 3, and toss in a boar bristle brush for good measure. I say would, because natural shampoos are pricey. Sodium laurel sulfate is inexpensive, lathers well, and makes me feel all American clean and squeaky shiny.

The Prissiest Prince

A bit of a writing blurb:

"And to what," said I, "do I owe this? You had a fit and pranced about, you prittled and prattled and flapped all about. You twirled and you stomped and you glared and you almost, almost shouted. You pouted and sulked and for what, do you even remember?"

"Yes mommy queen," said the prince. "I did. And I don't remember why. But just let me give you a gentle lovely kiss."

"What would you do with this kiss, you know my answer and though I love nothing more than for my prince to kiss my cheek, I don’t for a second believe your dance is over."

"Just one kiss mommy queen, just one. Take three steps forward, three steps sideways and one little hop. Just one kiss I want to give."

I took three steps forward, three steps to the side, one little hop and a kiss I did receive.

And that is how the prissiest prince who ever pranced had a mother who was a frog.

Leek Juice Attack

I have somehow managed to get leek juice in my eye, causing an allergic reaction, causing my eyeball to swell up.

Awesomeness.

Now my eyeball is sore.

I have eyedrops.

I have a patch and look like a pirate.

Arrrgh.

Rosemary forests forever

The one thing that threw me off is getting adjusted to working and finding a schedule that lets me do the things I love more than anything: writing, gardening and messing around with pics on the camera.

Today's pic is Rosemary, brought to you by my love of fresh rosemary, usually mixed with lemon and crushed garlic smothered over lamb chops. I've got a bunch growing on my back patio and my front porch.

Yes, that is weak, sad basil growing out of one of the pockets. It'll bounce back. It's basil!

Now, I also love the way Rosemary looks.

Earthy green and strong. I've got a bunch growing on my back patio and my front porch. But the photos alone didn't capture that deep, earthy feeling that Rosemary gives to me. So I changed it a bit.

See the strong branches that the rosemary leaves use for support? The color?

If only there were forests of Rosemary.

I'd walk through them every day.

The best dinners are someone else's

Since I'm working now, but still determined to not suffer the 'i work, therefore the family eats fast food death' conundrum, I've re-discovered those quaint little places where you go and prepare like, a month's worth of food, and then stock your freezer.

Defrost it the night before, and the only thing you do to cook after the third 'one of those days' you've had this week week, is come home, toss some veggies in the microwave and some rice in the rice cooker and whatever is already pre-pared in the oven. No prep time. No cutting. No dicing. No slicing. No dinner-preparation clean-up. It's all done.

This is brilliant. I even found a place that puts it together for you, so all I have to do is GO PICK IT UP! For reals! Seriously. All I do is glance at a website, think, hmm, ginger and lemon pork tendorloin, yes, mushroom gouda burgers, yes, avocado fish tacos, no, and so forth.

Sometimes, sometimes... I even order the side dishes...

Something happened though, in the second month, after the 12th pre-prepared meal was cooked and served...

"Mom, this brown sugar meatloaf is yummy." Umm er yes.

"Can we ALWAYS have this dinner?" Err err they may not offer it next month.

"Mom, this garlic bread is the best ever!" Hmm.

"Mom, this chicken is my FAVORITE." ahh. yes.

See? Suddenly, all the food on the table that they eat is... delicious. But. Not. Mine.

I'm torn. I mean, I do still cook. Occasionally.... but those comments on those nights seem lacking.

On the other hand.

12 out of 30 nights a month, food is ready for the oven!

Lets talk REVISIONS!

I was told to just send out what I'd written (ACK).

I was advised (by smart, writery people, mind you, not just random people) to just suck it up and push it out the door.

But.

I. Must. Revise.

I'm doing my best to revise, not rewrite, but just.... revise.

I need to stick to the things I know I need to look out for:

• consistent age of character (yes, I changed her age four times, what of it?)
• consistent story line (as in, does it make sense?)
• reads correct for targeted age group (re: I changed her age four times...)
• is actually decent

I started the revisions and to my not so much joy, I discovered something.

It is very hard to revise one story and write another when you have a day job.

Help.

ggooglelot

It seems no matter how hard I try, I end up writing back here. It's like my safe spot. My 'no one knows about this place' spot, it's my 'unfocused, unfettered writing' spot.

Wherein I detail all the sordid details of staying at home and now, working and not staying home.

I'll tell you what, now I understand why there are more stay at home mom bloggers than working mom bloggers!

Who has time? Who ISN'T TIred?

How many nights up til midnight can I handle?

And, more importantly, how can I be entertaining when I can barely stay awake?

hmmm

By Golly I think I've Got it

A balance I mean.

Check out my website: http://www.digifuss.com/ I changed it around (again) and am fiddling with what I want it to do.

It's where I will slowly (VERY SLOWLY) be transferring all my blog posts.

It seems that after a year and a half of working, I may actually have found a sort of balance.
Mind you, with my life, this will disappear quite quickly.

Anyhow, check it out. There's a lot of fine-tuning I'm trying to work out. Mainly, how to be less dry lol and what topics to focus on. I'll probably add a gardening blurb on their too, since gardening in Colorado has become somewhat of an obsession for me!

The Pondering Week

It's 5 a.m.

This is the time I wish I got up every morning. I'd like to be up, an early riser, at 5 a.m. every morning. Sadly, I only wake up this early when I've got that special allergy medicine head that makes it hard to sleep, or when a child wakes me (despite them all being school-age now!) or you know, I just can't sleep, or I have a bizarre dream, or I have one of those panicky check on the kids moments because I heard one coughing or crying.

And all I can think about is, all the things I'm not doing that I want to do, and how I can fit time into my day to do the things I really enjoy, like, oh writing, spending time with the mutt, and actually taking pictures again.

This is going to be my 'pondering' week. Because at the end of the day, I'm sure I CAN find time to fit these things in. It's, I'm sure, a mindset change. The same mindset change that lets me get up and jog three times a week and do a bit of a workout twice a week.

Maybe, just maybe, I can get up at 5 a.m. to write. Or maybe, maybe I just have to face that I must write at night (I'm by nature a morning writer, all my great thoughts are in the morning. My brain is fried at night). Maybe, just maybe, it's time to win the lottery, so I can stay home again and write more.

This week though, by the end of this week, I will have a solution.

Otherwise, why am I up at 5 a.m.?

Martinis and writing

After one of 'those' days at work, I went home to recreate my favorite, but not-oft indulged, treat: a dirty martini. I like two martinis. I like dry martinis and I like dirty martinis. A dry, dirty martini is a glass of awesomeness.

While making this concoction of Gin and Vermouth, I thought of many of our great writers, and their little problem with alcohol. And how alcohol fueled their creative processes. Well, so I imagine, else why would so many writers be alcoholics?

So I decided to see if a martini, a blissful alcoholic beverage, would help my creative process. I took my 3/1 gin/vermouth ratio (turns out I like 4/1 but hey, I wasn't going to waste the drink) to the writing table. Okay, the couch. And wrote.

We can all breathe easier, knowing that the only thing enhanced by this martini was my opinion of what I had previously written and the word-count, by about two paragraphs.

From this one attempt, I can honestly say that alcohol should not be involved in my writing process, however, since I think myself so much more clever after a martini, it SHOULD be involved in the submission process.

Pleasant Surprise at Tax Time and Running Shoes

How literal my title is!

But we did get a pleasant surprise at tax time. Turns out education credits this year ROXXOR the HOUXXOR. Hmm. Houxxor doesn't work for house, but you know what I mean.

However, one thing work has, yet again, done to me.

The Epic Work Weight Gain.

Yes, it has struck.

So now I must diet, as in, not eat... no just kidding, but seriously, now I am back to the stringent eating plan and working out plan that I did when I first moved here and ended up looking amazing.

Lesson?
Do NOT ever stop moving, working out or eating right. And do not eat food provided at work.

Trust me!!!!

Now, if only I can find a way to fit three pages a day back into my life for writing!


aaaarghhh

Happy Spring!

Health care reform, a brief thought

I am a big proponent of health care needing to change. I've had enough personal experience to have a deep-seated loathing for the insurance companies and their vested interest in doing as much as possible to deny coverage. I'm still fighting my previous insurance company because of one day my son spent in the hospital. They disagree with the doctor and the hospital who kept him in. Because, they would know.

So Health Care Reform? I'm sorry, but yes. Absolutely.

Here's where it gets tricky though. I believe this debate is less about health care and more the Republican's Great Stand in a power-play with a Democratic Washington. Because, when you look at the bill provisions, both parties aren't that far apart. Republicans and Democrats absolutely could have worked on this together, but instead, Republicans chose this issue to stand over, and lost.

I think the consequences to the Republican party are irreparable, because now that the day is won by the Democrats, the news focus will change from news of the battle to news of the victor. And, when the provisions start taking effect, and more Americans actually have insurance coverage, more individual plans will be made available, and the down-and-dirty process of enacting health care reform starts, people will pipe down. They might not want to give up their new health care policy. The fight was charged, and bitter, but in the end, as always, it was Politics, and the true effects of this decision won't be felt for years.

I will say, whichever side you are on, the one thing that absolutely needed to happen was a reform of the health care system in America.

I will also say, whichever side you are on, this fight was more politics than policy.

Will Healthcare Reform cure all? No, but it's a step in the direction everyone wants: better healthcare coverage, more healthcare coverage for poorer Americans, and better choices.

Hate it, love it, it matters not. Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, whoever, at the end of the day, prior to today, health care policy in Washington was written by the insurance companies. You may not agree with how health care is being reformed, but you have to agree it needed to be reformed, and America, IMO, couldn't afford to not do something. It's just a shame this had to be the battle ground. It's a shame we can't have a united government working in the interests of America. It's a shame Democrats and Republicans are so caught up in party politics they forget that the majority of Americans suffer for it.

And, at the end of the day, I believe most Americans were in the middle on this particular battle. The majority wanted a reform, but between the bullets flying from the Right and the Evilization of Health Care Reform, and all the noise, the majority, like me, stayed quiet, watching, wondering, hoping that at the end, what we end up with is not what we already have, a ridiculously broken system based on profit margins for insurers.

Spring sunshine and... snow?

So today was in the 60s, sunshine and happinesss....

Tonight and tomorrow: snow. Piles of it.

I personally don't believe it. I'm a big spring fan, and like to think that winter is done when it's done. But this is Colorado, and blizzards in spring are not unheard of.

Still.

I'm hoping for rain!

SUPERMOM

Except not.

I was thinking the other day about some of the articles in newsweek regarding the gender gap in pay and promotions.

Studies show it doesn't have anything to do with women having children and the dual role many women find themselves in, but I think I disagree -- it is because women with children are balancing two major roles and whether or not the husband does equal share, for most women (and really just ask most women) they take on the family role in ways that can't always be measured, but have an effect on work.

I think it's still only a small percentage of men that leave the workforce to raise a child, and we live in a culture that has taken a turn toward placing more value on moms that stay home -- it's okay now to take a few years out of a career. This is a good thing, but it does mean going back into a career can be a bit dicey, and the income you earn may not be as high as if you hadn't, and in some cases, as when you left. Here's a few non-statistical reasons the gender gap could still exist:

• Many women take on jobs and careers, but put a lot of effort into balancing the two -- this balance often leads to women not working overtime as much, not doing the political-social games work requires as much and having to take time off to be with a sick kid. Whether or not the father is doing the same is moot. When a women leaves work to take care of a sick kid she's a 'mom' first.
  
• Women without children are still expected to leave the workforce and have a baby by their male counterparts -- think I'm kidding? I worked in a largely male environment and when new woman came onto the team through conversations she let people know she had no desire to have children. I was flabbergasted when through casual conversations, many of the men (young men, mind you, who should know better) still believed that in a year or so she'd end up wanting a baby. What they told me? All women come in saying they don't want kids, but most really do and they'll end up getting pregnant and leaving.
  
• Women who have babies are considered 'questionable' after their pregnancy/maternal leave is over -- this is called risk management, and probably affects every pregnant working woman. The risk is that the woman will decide she doesn't want to return to work after maternity leave, even if she says she does. Some women do find they don't want to return to work, so despite what the woman says, the possibility still exists she won't return. Therefore, a pregnant woman will find that key projects, roles or responsibilities don't land on her plate.
• Women often have multiple priorities in their life -- this is the biggest one I think. Women aren't just living in a world where the top of the ladder is the goal. They are looking for that plateau with a wonderful view where they can both work and raise their children. This means they may not climb as ambitiously as some men might, or it may mean they take a year or five off to raise young children. Or it may mean that they have other goals and desires not met by their career.
  

I'm not trying to make a statement here. But I think until women get to a point where the rules of the workforce work in our favor (and ultimately in mens' favor), where there are many different routes and options to success than one ladder up, and where taking time off isn't the death knoll it currently is, the gender gap will exist. We still live and work in a very patriachal culture that views work as one big game of King of the Hill.

Sometimes you have to share

New vocabulary word:

Vajazzle

Yes, it's something you could have easily lived without knowing.

Countdown to Spring

Well now that I'm back, I was hoping I'd be wittier. My posts would be meaningful. I wouldn't just babble about Bear and Turbo and the Drama, or worse, talk about how I am starting seeds indoor now for the garden and my peas sprouted so crazily that I have to already replant the sprouts...

No... I wasn't going to do that.

Except that I am.

However, when I am witty, and post intelligent thoughts, it'll be on my other site, which I started a while ago and aptly ignored :)

But back to Countdown to Spring... ready?

Here are my top five goals to accomplish before spring:

The Ability to Wear Shorts and T-Shirts -- this requires eating better, losing weight and explains why I've re-subscribed to Shape magazine

The Ability to Use a Rip-Stick -- I call it a wiggle-board, and for me it's easier to deal with than a skateboard, but I have yet to accomplish going more than 10 feet on it.

The Ability to Consistently Blog -- Because I'm convinced my spring blogging will be SO much more entertaining than ever

The Ability to Grow Plants -- Last year I grew a cool salsa verde garden: tomatillos, cilantro and tomatos -- I'm hoping to have a rousing success this year with everything... and not go overboard on tomatoes. Seriously. One tomato plant is enough.

The Ability to Wake Up at 5:30 a.m. and Be Happy About It -- It's a long shot, but hey, if I can just get up at 5:30, I could do sooo much more by ten a.m. then most people do in a day...

It's been that long!

Time passes quickly, but you don't realize how quickly til you check your blog and you're like oh my holy hell, the last time it's been updated, was December! YIKES...

Today is a day of spring. It looks like spring. It feels like spring. My six year old is coughing like it's spring. Therefore it must be spring. I have, however, spent enough time in Colorado to know that we've got a few more cold days, and a snowstorm or two left to go, before we can honestly yell about spring.

So...

Happy Spring-like day!

And to celebrate this spring-like day, I shall remain here, home, with my coughing 'allergic to spring' child, and plant some seeds indoors. Because, yeah, sure, I can take the day off from work for my sick kid and you know, do laundry and clean, or, I can do fun spring stuff, like plant seeds.

Cuz I sure as heck n crap didn't stay home to clean and do laundry!

Late night flare up

I don't think I can leave this blog.... though I tried...

Anyhow, things have finally sort of settled down. I'm in my new job, which so far I'm enjoying as much as one can enjoy a job. The boys are in school, the tween in 7th grade and tonight, at 11:14 p.m. I'm listening to Bear snore. He had an asthma flare, if that's what it's called. I saw it coming earlier today. He starts talking in a rushed, fast way and then gets tired. I was listening to his voice, but he didn't seem tired, so I just left it. Then, he told me he was going to go to bed soon...at 6! because he was tired. Rushed talking? Check. Tired? Check. Fever? Check. So when I heard what sounded like Darth Vader taking off his mask, I went into his room and saw how awful his breathing was, and gave him his meds. Because I'm not a rational parent at moments like this, I refuse to leave him in his bed (I know, I know) because I can tell right now, that at 2 a.m., I'll have to give him another treatment, and that I'll probably drag him into the bathroom and run the hot shower for some steam for his congestion. I'll also probably start giving him his daily meds too, now, just through the winter.

Now, I know this is probably the dullest post ever, but hey, it's 11:14 p.m. on a cold, dry night and I'm listening to Mini Vader. I can only be so creative!!!!