Flowers in January

I love fresh flowers.
I used to buy myself fresh flowers as a treat, just because.

They're pretty, they brighten every room, and they are, well, cheery.

Flowers are Cheery!

After the break, a friend who was watching my cats offered to help me completely gut my house of all excess clutter -- so that my life, that of a mom with three kids, before we get all judgey and wonder why a friend would feel such a strong desire to help clean out a house... how messy could it be! -- and for the price of some still-owed dinners, spent a few weekends (and a few more to come, yay!) helping me gut and purge.

Purged: I have made four or five trips to Good Will since returning from Oregon after Christmas. Four or five trips where my truck has been filled with donations. Filled, to overflowing. Filled to the point of 'okay, remember, no backing up because you can't see out the back window.'

Gutted: Lets just say no one has a need for Tumeric, expiration date 2007, a dusty Pampered Chef gingerbread train mold from pre-2000 and a bag of flax, circa 2006.

The entire first level of my house is clutter free. Everything has a place. There's room. My cabinets, oh the room!

So, being thrilled (who wouldn't be) at how not cluttered/messy/crazy my living areas appeared to be, I've introduced flowers.


At first, the flowers were just on the table, but then I realized, they are even cheerier, and make the room and spaces even brighter, when they are spread out a bit.

Just a bit of color

The downstairs sewing/working desk.The counter.

My biggest motivation to finish the upstairs is the smallest of reasons.

I want to add flowers upstairs, too.

It's the smallest things that bring the greatest moments. And just looking at the flowers makes me feel a bit better, a bit cheerier.

Yes, even the bathroom

Saturday night, with the cats

It's been a full week practically since I rambled!

It's been a crazy week. People are crazy, I'm thermonuclear, apparently, (alas, every day, I work to be the river. Rivveeer, I'm a river...)

I'd tell you all about how much fun I'm having with my fat cat on my lap and the other cat all leaned up against me, because that's exciting, being all cuddled up on the couch with the cats. I mean, what else would you rather be doing?

This is my weekend.

It's a bit sad, right?

That's my Saturday night. I've got Walking Dead on, because it's kinda addicting, and some tea, because I'm seriously coming down with a cold from the IT guy who came to work with the plague on a day when our co-workers were acting like crazed asylum inmates, so despite his plagueness, we locked ourselves in our shared-office.  Umm, or perhaps we were the crazed asylum inmates locked in... either way, I can feel this cold coming.

Happily, my cats are keeping me warm, because it's January.

January.

Still.

Can't. Take. It. Need. Spring.

Flowers!

I'll buy flowers!

And, sadly, I'm so tired, because of this cold thing that's coming, I can't even talk about all the excitement about getting rid of six years of boxes with the help of my friends. Six years of boxes... take up a lot of room. Okay, they were empty, but there were a lot, and we had to break them down, and we took them to the recycling place. It was kinda liberating. I dislike having so much clutter, so much 'stuff.' I'm so excited that I've de-cluttered and tossed so much 'excess' out. I'm excited to keep going. Except tonight.

Tonight, not so much.

Tonight, I'm on the couch with cats drinking tea, cuz it's Saturday night.

It was all going well... until

The garbage disposal stopped disposing.

The beans simmering on the ovens had no matching hot dogs.

The milk for the cereal, which replaced the not-hot-dogs-and-beans ran out.

Everyone wanted eggs when I just wanted to eat my beans-on-toast-with eggs.

The game on the computer crashed.

There weren't enough blankets and the bed wasn't fluffy enough... what do you mean, the bed wasn't fluffy enough, you're a nine year old boy!

The overtired boy who wanted to sleep alone left only to have the other overtired boy who never wants to sleep alone follow him.

At least the teenage girl fixed the garbage disposal and did her homework!

And, and at least I wasn't Edith, on Downton Abbey, to be left at the altar, /omgiosh.

So it was every one for themselves and in the end, in the end, the teen girl chilled and didn't fight with the boys, and the boys did what all little boys do, even little boys who are nine years old and big boys do, they crawled into mom's bed.

And I, the mom,  am doing what all moms do, giving up on any notion of an actual good night's sleep!

Sometimes... sometimes the little boys win.

Most Boring Post Ever

This will be a boring post.

Do not read if you expect or desire to be entertained.

I've successfully spent gift card money finally!

I didn't want to purchase anything with you know, my money, and I didn't want to spend any of the gift cards I had until after I'd fully purged my closet, and ensured I didn't gain 20 pounds over the holiday!

Success! But I've seen a preview of spring fashion, and I'm pastel-erized. Pastels. All. Pastels. How horrifying! I dislike pastels. Especially springs' favorite new shade, 'mint-doesn't-look-good-on-anyone-but-we-keep-bringing-it-back.'

It's been a quiet Saturday, there may have been a nap.

A three hour nap.

It happens. We Skyped with Husbear, which always cheers the kiddos up, and I'm doing my best to not look at Oxfords online, since I have no more gift cards and a great weakness for Oxford-style shoes and boots. Now that I own a pair of awesomely epic boots, my sights are turning to Oxfords, despite the no-budget-for-Oxfords thing.

Le Sigh.

Time for some Rick Grimes, because nothing makes a Saturday night like a good Zombie fest.

Rick Grimes zombie tests are seldom boring, unlike my posts, which oftentimes are.

G'Night.

Huszombieland Day 8

Don't know what happened to the past few days - it all seemed to flow into one long day.

It was Tuesday, now it's Friday night.

All sorts of High School drama unfolded at Drama Girl's school - a threat, and it was all under control but then they cancelled school and some kid is going to have his life seriously ruined once they find him.

Was a zombie at work, seems to have worked out well. There isn't enough coffee on some days!
But then Husbear, the moment I opened my personal computer at work, skyped in! He had a bottle of wine and was relaxing in his hotel room.

I was four hours of work left to go at 3:30 on a Friday night with children at home waiting to be fed and entertained, and he's reposeful with wine and no children and a wine trip tomorrow!

.....ARGH. Days like this, I want to join the Zombies.

Or at least go hang with Rick Grimes...

 It's been exactly one week.

Two more to go...

Huszombieland Day 5

The cats made their first attempt last night. On the stairs. Barely escaped. The white fur of the young Cogs gleamed in the moonlight and gave them away. Still haven't located Queen Ninja. She is far more clever than the rest.

Dry shampoo not the miracle elixir promised to so many... hair is limp, lifeless and may drown in its oiliness. Will see what effect it has on my abilities to survive the day.  Drank extra-strong brew to compensate. How long can I live on extended dosages of dark brewed coffee?

The boys are dressed and ready to go. Not sure what they're up to, can't get to the bottom of their maniacal scheming... they are being so good, but, the question lingers... why? Why now, when never before?

One of them is singing, I can hear it, a happy, joyful voice - it's eerie.

Huszombieland: all is calm

Husbear is off for three weeks to another country where there's great cheese, wine and scarves. Yes, France.

I'm home with the horde. It's like I've entered an apocalyptic wasteland where my only chance of survival is to give up and turn into a zombie. 

Wait, that may have been last week.

Day 1, a Friday, and this is important to note, a non-school day:  went like this:

Daddy gets on plane. Same ole same ole.
Mommy distracts everyone with rad viewing of Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Pizza and soda for all!

Day 2: Weekend

K kids, go play video games.
All day.
Victory! Go parenting!

Day 3: Weekend

Grocery shopped, cooked a dinner and successfully achieved bath time. 
I'm awesome at this mom thing. I rock.

Day 4: 

Monday.
We know weekends are easy. Open the door, and let the kids go. Parenting lite. But this is serious. This is a school day in January with no sign of vacation until Martin Luther King Day.

Okay, lets keep it calm, peeps. Lets not do anything crazy. Lets pretend everything is normal, nothing has changed, and Daddy's home, he's just upstairs on his computer, invisible.

/whistle.

Get Drama Girl up and out door on time, make grumbly noises at the amount of sugar teen girl dumps in her coffee.
Get boys up.
Shower. (A win for all!)
Boys are ready and out door and at school on time...
Look around for signs of alternate universes colliding.. nope, it's really true.
Day goes by. Smoothly.

As of right now, Dinner is simmering on the stove waiting on rice, the boys are calm and everything is mellow. All is calm and quiet.
.....

Day 4 - smooth sailing... too smooth, too quiet...
I shudder for the days to come...

But, as a lovely angel said, appearing in front of me on my way out the door after work -- be calm, for maybe, maybe it will be smooth sailing, and will be calm. For. Three. Whole. Weeks. 

No one will meltdown. The routines of waking, school, homework, dinner and bed will be maintained in an orderly, routine, non-yelly, non-shouty fashion.

All will be calm. All will be bright....

January the 1st, of the Year 2013

The year is starting off mellow, and that's always a good sign. No need to jump right into change, turmoil, drama, etc etc. I finished up Project Life (that photo album/journaling thing) for the year, and am continuing with it, since it's such an easy way to manage well, memories.

I'm going to focus on the every day moments this time, and see how that works! I love photographing random moments that would normally pass, where no one's posing, the face and cheesy grin isn't the center of the picture, and there's no 'event,' just... life. I am not doing 'resolutions' since they're silly. I am instead refocusing. November through December is always a rough time for my routine, because I've got birthdays right before Turkey Week, right before the holidays.

 I look forward to January as a 'chill' month, where mostly I hibernate a bit, get in shape for spring running, gardening, and outdoorsing, as I like to refer to it, and dreaming, oh the dreaming in January of the months of March, April and May. How I love to dream of spring! I'll be doing that shortly! 

This year, you'll (my invisible readers, my four friends-who-read-my-blog, and the random family member that logs in to check the blog) see a lot of comments on my writing, my 'the artist's' way'ing, running and exercising and random pics of every day moments.

 I'm looking forward to 2013, and the months ahead. Though it's a new year, it feels like a continuation of the best of 2012.

 Happy New Year - this year, live as well as you can, laugh often, mind less and, above all, most importantly of all, do carry on.

Happy 2013!

It's hard to believe that another year has passed, only it's not, really.

It's even less harder to believe that my last post was Nov. 21.

Where does time go?

It just flies....

This Christmas we traveled to Oregon to see my sister and her husband, and Ty, lovely, hilarious, chatty, Ty.

I think the boys might have been a bit much for him, but he was a true sport!

Here are the pics from the trip!

On any given Wednesday

I was going to take the boys on a hike today to Button Rock, but, um, I slept through the alarm.

I love hiking in the morning, when everyone has energy. We postponed it til Saturday or Sunday, depending. Probably Saturday.

Anyone wanna come?

Today, I'm going to finish my coffee, and escape to a coffee shop to write.

Yep. I'm livin' the dream today! In an ideal world, that would be my every day ha, but hey, what can one do?

I'm lucky enough to have a job this year that lets me have time off.

I feel every blog post should have a photo, something that captures and inspires. So here you are:

My morning inspiration:

So I've been doing the creative journal, and have discovered that writing three pages daily helps me write later, because I think, oh, man, I wrote three pages, but none of the words are toward my stories (I have a short story and a novel I'm working on at the moment). So then I have to carve out time to write words toward my stories. I can't stand the thought of having written, but not having any of the words progress. Whatever works!

My artist hour is going to involve finally sewing the binding. Husbear wants his quilt, as does my sister. She doesn't have a name in the blog. I'll have to name her so I can continue writing about her.

Lets call her "Wispy Rain Mist" because she's living in Portland, Or.

So Wispy Rain Mist has been bugging me about her quilt that I'm making. I doubt I'll finish it by Christmas, but I'm going to try to get both her top and Husbear's top done by then.

It really depends on how good I am at managing my me-time.

**Someone, please help me find some me-time.

Oh, and some good book pics:

Raising Happiness - great book, I'll have to write about our first family meeting and failed custard tart dessert maybe... maybe not.

City of Bone, Angels, Glass, CatNip... whatever, I made it through the first two and a half before being annoyed by 17 year olds that are really 60 year olds in 17 year old bodies. Think I may be done with YA for a while. BUT, they are good reads if you're not yet jaded, cynical and raising a teenager the same age as the heroes and heroines because then you'd know how ridiculously fantastical the stories are.

p.s. This post is dedicated to Awesome Aunt, who tells me that she reads my writing, and thinks I'm funny.

Pre-Thanksgiving No-Plans

This week, as in you know, the first day and a morning of the week, we haven't done much. Mostly, I'm taking time to enjoy the not-work I'm at, catch up on some writing, hang with the family and prepare for Turkey Day and the post-turkey-day-black-friday morning.

These shots were taken on Sunday. I totally adore them.

This was taken on a Sunday bike ride with my friend. We had a crazy day of biking and coffee and fun. Turbo loves his bike rides and the coffee shop.
In case there isn't anyone who doesn't know, this guy is a quirky fellow. I took some candid shots while we were conversing at Red Frog. Eight is a very serious age. And giant cookies are very important.

If you're wondering where Bear is, well, once we get Bear on a bike, we can enjoy his company at Red Frog. In the meantime, I'm planning a nice hike with the kids tomorrow, and we'll see some candid Bear shots.

Colorado Fall

This is where I run, bike, and live.

It's so gorgeous!
I didn't have to drive anywhere for any of it. It's just, where I am...

Beauty in the every day places should be appreciated every day.

Upper left, part of my running trail. Upper right, a resting point on my bike trip.
Bottom picture, view of the briddge, part of our bike path. 

Saturday night write - Clack

Clackety clack Husbear reminded me that to do what I need to do, what I want to do, I need to put the time in.

That being said, I believe for Christmas, he's going to buy me a clackety mechanical keyboard that makes a lot less clackety noise than my clackety keyboard that I have now.

I love mechanical keyboards. For me, it's helpful, to have to put some weight on the keys, to feel them clack clack clack...

I've started a writing once a day challenge with me, myself and I, think I might have mentioned that. I count any type of writing if it's with some purpose for form, and the clackety clackness of typing on a mechanical keyboard helps. I love the clack sounds.

Clack clack... it makes me want to type more. I'm a much faster typist with the clackety keyboards. What I'm really hoping for is a ninja keyboard, it has a kinda pure clackety sound, but never mind my geeky obsession with keyboards, back to the point.

Because Husbear is right, it's about the time. I know how to write, how to put words together, I'm clever with some of my words, funny with others. I've been told my words make people laugh. A few times, I've been told, my words made people cry. I can evoke emotion. I have succeeded, then, for the words I write cause people to react, to feel, to gain something from the thoughts I express in the form of written expression. It's been too long, too long since I focused on a single project and wrote, daily. The last time I wrote daily, I wrote a book. Clackety clack every day, and I turned out a novel. No, it's not published, or been sent out, for various reasons. Mainly, for me, it was a rough draft of the process of writing. No, that one is not meant for the world. Maybe some day. But not now.

My brilliant goal, my brilliant idea, my highest achieving self, says, get up early at 5 a.m. and use that hour and a half you usually waste away in sleep! Why sleep! You can get so much done if you just dont' sleep, as Turbo and Bear explained to me when I found them at 4 a.m. playing on their computer...

The problem is I like sleep. It's a good thing there are other hours in the day.

I typed that last line, and this one, JUST because my keyboard is so clackety. It's why the desktop is better for writing for me. MacTops don't have clackety keyboards.

It irritates Husbear that I call my Mac ProBook a MacTop, but really, that's what it is.

Admittedly, this post is a bit clack clack clack, clackety clackish.

Originally, I was going to write about the mediation cushions for Turbo I've been compelled to purchase. Maybe I'll save that one for another day.

Happy 16th

She's 16 today.

Sixteen years ago, she, my first daughter, was born. Her.

This one. The one above, in the photo. That one.

Her daddy came home just in time for her to be born. He left later, and came home six months later. We met him at the airport, late at night. She laughed.

We moved to England, and tried to figure out the whole parenting thing.

She doesn't remember, but there were walks in British parks. Trips to the market in Bury St. Edmunds. Strolls through Cambridge's cobbled streets. I went mad with British child fashion for a while. She can't remember.

We moved and spent a winter in North Dakota. I took her for a walk on a sunny cold day where the snow glittered - we slipped and slided on the ice. I wrote a lovely story in a loft there, and she went to preschool for the first time. She didn't like it.

 We moved to Virginia and she played with our friends'  ferrets and hung out at work while we made games and hung out with other kids who's parents made games.

We moved to Washington, where she was a big sister, and, as a sort of consolation for being forced to be the big sister of two babies, got her a kitten, Ariel, who is still around: her cat and no one else's.

Somewhere, through it all, she kept growing. Now, here we are, five years in Colorado, and she's 16.

Six. Teen.

We took her to Outback Steakhouse - our family tradition is to go out to eat to the kids' favorite restaurant on their birthdays (we're crap at parties). She had a nice steak, because she's 16.

I had two glasses of wine. Because she's 16.

Seriously.

How did 16 happen? All those years, 16 years. Oh dear, dear.

So, happy 16th to my 16 year old. Happy 16th to me.

I may just have another glass of wine.

It's November NaNoWriMo

I'm not doing NaNoWriMo, but I am doing everyday writing.

I've sort of done the NaNo writing, but I decided it's best to get into the practice of writing, more than it is to eek out something amazing. Though, I am sure some of the works do become amazing. If you're purely writing something, it will come across as pure, unless, of course, you can't write.

In which case, drawing or painting is always an option.

Although, the truth is, if you love doing something, but do it poorly, it's okay. As long as you're income isn't dependent on it. For instance, I love drawing and painting. I love pretending my drawing and paintings are good, too, however, I'm awful at it. The random studies on chairs and my kitchen will never see any light, ever. I'm not an artist, though, I'm a writer.  The daily writing is why I'm blogging at 7 a.m. instead of getting ready for work. I find I'll write more throughout the day if I write a bit in the morning.

Plus, it's hard to get ready for work when Husbear is hogging the bathroom. The myth about women taking longer showers is debunked by this singularly, excessively scrubbed and groomed red bear.

Normally, I'll attach a picture that goes along with the theme of the post. Today, all I have is this:

Husbear, modeling the quilt my friend made for me.

It's my B-day and I'll Gogh if I want to...

Monday is my birthday really, but my friends and I had a day out in Denver.

We went to this fabulous breakfast place, Snooze Eatery, in Denver, and it was pretty much the only food we needed all day, because... yum... Of course, it would be ridiculous to let the fact we had eaten this huge breakfast to stop us from getting dessert later... 

We went to see Van Gogh's exhibit, which I thought was great, and, to show my appreciation for his honest art, I will be purchasing two mugs depicting two of his most famous paintings. And who says I can't appreciate art?

That's not fair, though, I found the exhibit inspiring, and now I'm searching for a biography on van Gogh, because now I'm utterly fascinated, but not by his life, but his works and his words. I found some of his quotes wonderful, and words that every artist, writer, person seeking for more, should become familiar with. One of my favorites;

“I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it.”

― Vincent van Gogh

My friends are awesome, and I always enjoy spending time with them. I've claimed them as my friends shortly after I moved to Colorado (to their dismay), and I can't imagine a world without them. This isn't true, I can imagine my life without them. I've always relied on my friends to keep me here, to not allow me to drift in the natural direction my mind tends to drift, which is, last time I drifted, somewhere just past the outer moons of Saturn, I believe.... I need my friends, they are my anchors. I always dread my drifting, my difference, my not-always-here-ness will bore them, but so far, they're still here, anchoring.  

And they are ridiculously silly. One accepts what one must...

This is at the Denver Art Museum, on our way out. The real surprise at the Denver Art Museum was the El Anutsui exhibit. They called it a retrospective, and going through it, I was amazed at his ability to capture history in such an amazing, unique way. He used bottle caps and wood and clay and glass and normal materials heaped in trash piles or found all around, and told stories! Anyhow, it was a pleasant surprise, and I enjoyed that exhibit as much as the Van Gogh exhibit. Of course I would, I am always interested in how stories are told, whatever the medium. I am, I think, more interested in telling stories than simply just writing, and I love the stories his art spoke.

Saturday was a great day, but it's really my friend, Denise, who (she made me an epic quilt everyone in my family is trying to steal)  pretty much planned this for me, because, true to my typical style, I couldn't decide, make up my mind, or figure out what we should do, only that we should go out and spend time together. 

The best of me has always been the people around me, my friends, my family, my ridiculously fat and round cat... and this picture of faces and food and stuff pretty much sums it all up:

Dear friends, you're awesome. Le Pizza.

Oh, the Creative Life

Isn't it funny how the most creative people struggle with actually doing the creative work?
**for those people who are creative and don't struggle with doing the creative work, I mean the rest of us...

I do a lot of creative work. Just not MY creative work. And so begins Day 1, Week 1, Version 3, of the Creative Way 12-step, er, week, program. I love it, I've gone halfway through it before, and it always helps - it works for me. It just makes me better in my creative life. This time, I'm going to go through it all! My favorite part are the daily 3 pages, and the weekly artist dates.

I count yesterday's bike ride as an artist date.

Yesterday, I went on an hour long bike ride by my lonesome self. I stopped at one point, 30 minutes in, to take stock of where I was. I mean, I knew where I was, but I didn't realize, really, where I was - not far from civilization, but alone in a desolate area. Alone in a desolate area, but one filled with life. A dry place, with a pond and a splash of colored leaves on trees in the distance. It was so beautiful, and the place, the moment, the time, instantly calmed my mind, my stresses, my worries and made me feel a part of this strange beauty, as if everything else that existed mattered less than that I was in this one place on a paved trail through Colorado terrain.

It is not a lot, it is everything.

I'm not the greatest photographer in the world, but I like capturing moments and feelings. This one says everything to me about where I am both in my head, in my heart, and in the world.

I think that one of the hardest things to do in life is to remain true to yourself, because it requires truly knowing what that truth is - shutting out the should-dos, the must-dos, the expectations, the projected desires, the whimsical fancies that distract - how do you find that truth? How do you find you? It's a lonely process, because it requires withdrawing, turning in, closing your eyes and listening to a voice you probably haven't heard since you were 8, when you may not have known you, but at least every moment was honest. If we live honestly, truthfully, then every moment can be an honest moment, and every action a true action. This way, we can live a life true to ourselves. I Think we also have many truths at different points of our life, because we change, and that is okay, to recognize this change, but there is one true me, just as there is one true you, and one true everyone.

Pictures capture moments in time and place, but sometimes they capture meaning. This picture resonates with a truth I seek, a clarity of mind I desire, a spirit of serenity I long for, place of belonging so palpable I'm surprised I'm not still there - a cluster of long grasses swaying (or, maybe I am still there).

This is not a beginning, but a new search, a new journey sparked by all the other journeys in my past. I have a destination, I'm just not quite sure of the way, or what I will find when I get there.

Hello Saturn

My mom was an astrologer, and obsessed with Saturn. Saturn changed signs recently, and has moved into my native sun sign, for three eyars.

I don't know what sign Saturn moved into in my chart, though I suppose I could look it up. What I do recall is my mom saying that this was the age where writing would be big for me.

Maybe it's superstitious, I don't know, but I'm going through the Artist's Way creative journey (again, ha!), and I've resolved myself to doing the work, and not the judging. I'm so great at judging, that I never actually finish. I'm over that.

I'm really motivated to start, but it's Husbear's birthday tomorrow, and we were out doing things he wanted to do, and now is the first time I've been able to sit down and write a word. Since I'm too tired to write a story, I thought I'd just do what every sane, capable and working writer does, and write.... words, regardless. We never know, as writers, what words will be the words that bring the next idea, story, meaning. We never know, as writers, what our words will bring. To not write them is to receive nothing, to give nothing.  So I'm writing down the words.

And working very hard to not worry about anything else.

Wildly abandoned

I had a 1/2 co-worker, 1/2 friend - you know, that in between stage when you realize you wouldn't mind spending time with your co-worker outside of work - anyhow 1/2 friend, suggested that I was funny (ha!) and could toootaally write funny things... if only I would. Except not everything is funny, but, I did think she had a point. I'm not good at funny, buuuuttt...

She got me to thinking, she's right, because I think, but don't write, because when I write, I self-edit. Writers should never self-edit the first draft. It's the hazard of being trained to write to deadline. They do matter, but when you get to the point that you're automatically gauging word count and messaging, in a story about fairies and trolls, well, that can work against you.

So I'm going to begin writing with wild abandon. Just wildly writing.

There's no real topic, just the things that occur that I can comment on without my self-editor making it nice.

Today, we're going to write with wild abandon about the moment you realize the kid on the playing field, the one on the soccer field, the one running halfway across the field into the menacing faces of the other team to kick the ball away and down the line, that kid, he's not yours.

Nope.

Nor is the goalie who takes a ball in the face for the team.


The kid who's running, always running to the ball, chasing it but never quite catching it, you have to admire the passion - one day, he'll get that ball. He could be good, once his skill matches his heart, and one day he will....


He's not yours, either.

No, yours is playing midfield. That position on the field for kids who aren't aggressive enough to be forwards, plowing the ball through the other team. It's not for fierce defenders ready to be stampeded by an onslaught of opposing team members as they form a wave headed right for your goal. And he'll never be the goalie. Dreamers don't do well as goalies.

He's a midfielder.

It's his favorite position.

And it's okay, if the ball is across the field. The other midfielder can get it. I mean, he's one of two midfielders. He knows this. He's busy, and his teammates look like they've got it under control.  No need to go exerting yourself, charging across the field when the sun's already beating down on you, if you don't need to.

He's patient, and eventually, the ball will get to him. Then, he can kick it, maybe, if someone doesn't run across the field and kick it first.

That's your kid.

And it's totally fine. Your boy is only 8 and he's having fun. You don't need to tell him to attack the ball - that's the cry of today's coaches -- attack, attack the ball, attack it... He knows that attacking the ball is the ideal. Attack...atttaaaaackkk... aaah.

You don't need to yell at him to run when he's walking to the ball. The coach is already telling him to hustle, hustle... (Good job, coach, letting him get some play time!)  Hustle! Hustle! It's okay. You just need to let him join the team, and learn... whatever it is he can learn. And it totally counts if he stops the ball because he happens to be standing in the place the ball lands.

Maybe he's learning he loves soccer and he'll always play midfielder because while he loves the game, he's just not in love with the game.
Maybe, it's that he doesn't love soccer, and he's bored, and he only likes soccer as a friend.

On any given day it'll change. But, he's got every Saturday through November to decide.

Last week, it was the best game ever.
This week, soccer's stupid.

And that is just how I was about every thing I ever tried, liked, tried, hated, tried and tried and well, while I never succeeded spectacularly at any one sport, I did get to play Field Hockey, Track, (Shot Put, of all things), Cheerleading (okay, I was 5, but it still counts!), gymnastics, Roller skating (for real, I got to Silver Star, thank you very much!) softball (ugh) etc etc.

And so, now I know, that boy, that kid, he's totally my kid.

Today's Trail!

Check us out.

It's been a while, too long really. I have a love/hate relationship with blogs. I blog in my mind all the time, but the technology to automatically publish mind-blogs on the web doesn't exist yet. I'm looking forward to it, though.

It's always hard in this house to adjust to a new school year. It takes about a month, which is absurdly long, but there you have it.

We're finally settled and into a routine, and so today, the first weekend I found myself without an obligation, with a to-do list that could be ignored, and with a gorgeous Sunday, I took the boys, my daughter who refused to be photographed today,  and our friend off on a hike to cross a stream 23 times. Mind you, most of the stream was dry, but we all agreed we'll do the hike again next month when we (allegedly) will have more rainfall.

This is one of my all time favorite shots of the day:

There's something honest about this picture it captures every truth, every thing...I see more in this shot now than I did when I took it.

This bird was an amazing shade of blue, which, of course, I failed to capture!

I'm a gorgeous shade of blue, but never mind,
I'm a shadowy winged piece of freedom here.
Look, just look at how bad arse I am!

This is what I love about living where I do. There's so many great places to go and see so many amazing things. The hike was a full 3.2 miles from start of trail to end of trail to back to truck. And I got some amazing shots of kids being, well, genuinely themselves. Check these kids out in this album:

I felt fall...

This morning, on my Sunday long run, I felt something I haven't felt in a few months... cold.

Even after the first warm up mile, even at mile 7, there was a chill and I wished I had something just a little more than a tank. It was early in the morning, I left at 6, but the cold lingered for a good hour.

Bear telling me about something important
over a cup of tea in our kitchen. 

Fall is coming.

And with fall, pumpkins. Pumpkin Pie is Turbo's Favoritest Food Ever. We talked about it over tea tonight. I was preparing a new muffin quiche while he was looking over the kids baking book, chatting about how he wanted to bake, and how he couldn't WAIT for Pumpkin Pie. Then we talked about muffins, breads, and oh my. Guess what I'm planning to do on Sundays when the weather's chilly and it's a busy school year!

All this talk of fall, the muffin quiches in the oven and having tea with my best buds, I got that feeling, that cozy, nesting feeling. There's something comforting about being in the kitchen with the kids on winter nights talking or drinking tea, or sitting in the living room just being around each other - it is the benefit of those nights when it's too cold to go out, too dark to even want to - those nights are precious.I know I know, it's still summer, but it's not really. Not at all. It's the end of summer. I felt it this morning. I felt it tonight. We may have hot days ahead, but they are quickly coming to an end.

Here's to many nights in with my Drama Girl, my Husbear, my Bear, and my Turbo!

Dear Quilt

Medieval Red Roses is the fabric I chose to
cover over the first failed binding. 

 Dear First Quilt, aka Iko Iko Quilt.

There are 12 year olds who wouldn't produce a quilt as poorly quilted as you. I apologize.  In my defense, I don't have patience, have never been able to cut straight lines and don't really know how to use my sewing machine properly -- size 3 stitches? no zig zag?

So I picked out all your crazy dark red fabrics... Camelot, Court Jester, Medieval Dot Splitter Splatter, Knight in Armor Batiks, etc etc, and made you, my lovely Iko Iko Quit. I learned the importance of cutting square shapes into actual squares... and sewing straight lines. I managed. I discovered that sometimes, sometimes when your lines are so not straight that even your binding can't fix it, you can easily double the width of your binding.

And now Iko Iko Quilt, here you are, with your bizarro random stitching that shows up bright white on the dark reds, you're flawed pillowing or gapping or whatever it's called when you don't do things right in quilting land, and you're double-wide binding.

All I've left is the final hand-sewing on your binding. I expect to suffer injuries often, but nothing horrendously serious beyond pin-pricked fingers, and a few incidents of sewing you to my yoga pants.

But, alas, Iko Iko, you're one step away from being done. Now, I can sit idly in front of my shows, sewing blissfully. I can start on my sister's quilt, cutting square squares, and rectangle rectangles, and soon, Husbear's quilt and hopefully, eventually, my lavender one, to be followed by an epic Purple Goth Mood piece.

I won't hold your flaws against you, Iko Iko, it's not your fault you got a pre-beginning novice with no basic art skills, or patience, or actual talent to create you ... I still love you.

Mysterious! Secretive! Hush!

That's what all my writery books say. As I'm working, I should be secretive about my work. Mysterious about my words. Hush! Hush!

So fine, I won't tell anyone what I'm writing, only that I've got something to work with, which is always a nice  thing to have when you're a writer.

I know, people are so breathless with anticipation. It's like, it's like I'm Dean Koontz and I just released a new series. Only I'm a writer who's never released anything except newsy articles for a military newspaper and fantasy stories for a game, but... but I FEEL like I'm a writer about to release something wonderful.

Yes, I live optimistically. But really, it's about the words and the story.

I usually track page counts or word counts, but I'm not there yet. Right now it's all setting and mood and time and age and figuring out who these people traipsing about my head are, and why it is the middle of July and hot and 90 degrees but in my head it's the eve of a cold, harsh winter... Brace Yourself... Winter is... naaah I can't do it.

Yes, I know, this post is very stream-of-consciousness - it has been edited for context where needed, but for the most part, comes direct from my brain.

I know, my brain is a very strange place. Imagine what it's like to live in it.

Dwindling days of summer

We've got another month or so of hot weather, but my summer ends pretty much this week. Cue sad music.

Today, I went on a trail hike/run/walk/ to Green Mountain, where, at the summit, Colorado Native and I were accosted by a Hummingbird, in all its glorious ability. We watched it hover with the appearance of standing still in mid-air, wings beating so fast we could barely see them. It was probably the most epic thing that happened today. That, and watching clouds form from infancy to full-on storm clouds with lots of rumbling!

I didn't take a camera today, because, I thought, meh, I'll leave it in the car... alas, of course, it was one of the most beautiful trails I've been on. Ha. I'll capture some of it in the fall, I'm sure.

It's a great way to end a week.. if only I could find a way to bring the trail to the office!

Hot, Long July Days

The boys are pretty much wiped out from all the summer activity. Camp three times a week and hikes interspersed have done them in. Today, they ix nayed my idea of a short, beautiful hike by waking up before 7 a.m., turning on Batman Lego and letting me know that was the plan. "Mom, we beat the joker. We unlocked the level where we can be villians..." oooh boys, good going...you go defeat... Batman... that's great... I think...

I was tempted to force them on the hike -- it's SUMMER, the SUN is out, it's GORGEOUS, we belong OUTSIDE, we can go on a lovely hike through Enchanted Mesa and IT"LL BE FUUUN.. but then I remembered my days off in the summer, and how sometimes, sometimes it was just so wonderful to be able to hide in a corner and read a book, or watch some cartoons, or just... be... so today I am letting them be. It's day 23 of 31 days of hot sunny days, followed by another month of hot, sunny days. Summer feels so eternal, until it's gone, and in January, inevitably, I will say, winter feels so eternal... and both are true. Every moment, an eternity.

A magical sight on the Enchanted Mesa Trail!

The boys may have needed a day, but while they were at camp, I managed to take Drama Girl with me on a hike, this is her shady spot on the trail up to the Royal Arch, FlatIrons. I want to do more of those trails, but when it's cooler. I've discovered that my family is seriously heat adverse, and if temperatures ever are going to be above 93, (seriously) all outdoor activity has to be completed by noon! 

When You Write, if you get it wrong, Your Characters Will Politely Haunt You

Sometimes you've got a story all mapped out. Outlined. Characters. It's good. You're excited. The characters' are excited. There's joy. Hell, there's a plot! Woot. You sit down to type, and write, and suddenly, the page is blank because something is all wrong. Something is very, very wrong, and your frozen in front of the screen. The characters just aren't there.

So you stare at that stupid page and realize it's not even July anymore. You can't even get the season right. It's not hot out at all. Fall has been in the air for a while. There's a noise, too. Someone young is talking in a quiet whisper, just whispering in your ear, your head, the air, you can't place the whisper but you hear it, patiently trying to get your attention without shouting at you or startling you. It's a quiet insistent  whisper. Maybe it's the voice that woke you up at 3 a.m. when you were staring at the dark sky wondering what it was that was so urgent, what had startled you to awaken. It's been bothering you for at least two days now so you know the voice is getting a bit hoarse.

You're thinking this, and then you realize since it must have been trying to get your attention for a while now, you could at least start listening to it.

Ah, you hear the voice, you think you understand. This voice that's been whispering in your ear for a while now, is telling you its story, and it makes sense, there's this one character in another half-written story that didn't belong there, but belonged with this voice, and I had it only partly right. Suddenly, the old outline is gone, the characters skidaddle, the perfectly-set up story is a house of cards. The plot empty.

That voice is more real, and then words fall on the page easily. You already HAVE the characters, you just had them in the wrong place, and you recognize the voice, so you know whose voice it is...and the words flow, but there's just something else, something... shocking, an actual surprise. The voice you thought you knew, when it first started talking to you, maybe some years ago, maybe a month ago, who knows, you realize then, you didn't really KNOW the voice, because, you see, you thought the voice was a girl.  Now, you know, really really know,  it's not a little girl with brothers and sisters. It's this little 11 year old boy. It was always this 11 year old boy....

And that's a lucky day, when you have a character whose voice is so strong it pulls itself out of you, introduces itself and starts telling you the story you need to write because you haven't been writing it, and is kind enough to take the other character to you, well, that's a lucky day. A creepy day, because really, it means my characters are haunting me, but a good, lucky day!

An Account of Hiking Heil Valley on a beautiful July Friday

I had wanted to do the full Heil Valley loop after completing half of Heil Valley's Picture Trail from Lyons, and the Lichen/Wapiti Trail from Boulder with my boys. There's an entire trail loop that runs through what I think is some of the prettiest terrain in the foothills around here. I needed to do it sans children, since at 8, they don't really have the endurance yet for a five hour hike with only a lunch rest. I invited Colorado Native *I've known her for a few years now. She now has an official name for my blog.*  along because what the hell, she wasn't doing anything that day...

I love the stillness of the distant peaks.

When I came here with Bear, we saw Wild Turkeys, and to his dismay, and my pleasure, not one Black Bear. Well, no Wild Turkeys on this hike, not one! I did see a Red-Tailed Hawk ride the wind in front of me, soaring beautifully canyon just off of Picture Trail, all casual and bird-of-prey like. And, this fella:

Hey little fella, you eat bark and berries, right?

My friend Colorado Native and I ran into two older woman who were hiking the Ponderosa Loop. They were being all whistly and noisy, which we did find odd, until they explained that there was a bear up ahead just off the trail about 150 ft, and we should make noise as we pass. You know they're locals who know the trail well when the viewing of a Black Bear doesn't frighten them so. Sure enough, one of the woman explained she'd been hiking here for many years, and not once did she ever encounter a bear! It was an amazing chance encounter that we took pictures of.

A bear off Ponderosa Loop Trail - bringing authenticity to our nature hike.

Until the Bear realized we had stopped and were you know, paparazzi-ing it, and turned its cute little maw our way and took an ambled step forward. The older woman suggested we all skidaddle, Colorado Native agreed, and I whined about not getting a good full-maw shot which more than made up for Colorado Native's whining about her sore feet because she engaged on a five-hour hike after running 13 miles and the entire angry-bee-after-my-food crisis whine where I lobbed my sandwich maybe a couple of times to distract said angry swarm of three bees... Just saying...

The rest of the hike took us through the most beautiful part of the trail, the Wild Turkey trail. We wandered on a trail shaded with abundant Ponderosa Pines to look up and be surprised suddenly with a meadow!

Meadow!
Not the most meadowy meadow we came across, but a meadow nonetheless.

I can't wait to do this trail when the wildflowers are at the height of their bloom!

 This view is one of the reasons why this hike is now one of our favorites.

Check out the view.

It was an amazing hike, and we left with plans to do a longer hike up to Button Rock Reservoir in August, which I can't wait for, and a return to Heil Valley in the fall to do the full Lichen to Picture Trail hike.

I so heart nature.

Writing it all down

I had promised myself most of the year that in July, I'd really kick off and seriously get back to the writing. It's the third part of my three-part goals I set a while back. It was just three things. To write, read, and exercise.

And finally, happily, I'm writing.

And how I love the writing.

I had a few stories I could work on, and settled on trying two out. The first one, as much as I wanted to write it, wasn't ready to be written. It's not filled in yet. The second one, the words, the story, the characters, they're ready. So that's what I'm spending a few nights a week on. I had a blast coming up with the correct character names, and while I don't think I'll finish this book in a month, I do know the first draft won't take long - it's just flying!

Little Trips

I'm not picking my nose.

It's summer, and I know a lot of people are going to amazing places, doing amazing things, and seeing amazing stuff.

Well, I live in a place of amazing places, so it doesn't require a trip to see amazing stuff. But we're not really 'doing' anything or 'going' anywhere.

Turbo's ready for the ride!

The thing about this summer is how much exploring I'm trying to do with the boys and Drama Girl, when she's inclined to come along.

It's pretty awesome how I can go for a run, or hop on a bike and go for a ride, or drive 20 minutes to a great hike, and find the most incredible, beautiful sights. It's my goal this summer to really show the kids this amazing place they live, and the amazing things you can see in nature.  I want them to be explorers and adventurers, and to love and crave the outdoors. It's pretty easy to do with kids, they're naturally inclined that way. That's why this summer, it's really about the little trips.

Today, Turbo and I set out on one of our little trips to a cafe in Niwot.  He's been waiting for his long bike ride with mom for about a week and a half. It's about  6 miles to the cafe and 6 miles back, so he got a bit of a workout on his bike. 

Turbo and I  chatted all the way there and home. He stopped to take pictures with his own camera a few times on the way back.  I bought the boys $1.50 photo albums so they could document their summer with pictures. I also grabbed a bunch of disposable cameras at Target for like, $5. I don't think they're quite ready to not lose/break/destroy a real one. They also have little notebooks to write down anything interesting when we go on our trips. They don't write in them much, but occasionally, they'll surprise me with a desire to 'observe' something!

Hot chocolate! I know!

When we got there, Turbo, ordered pancakes and hot chocolate. You see those two freckles on his face? I love those two freckles.










This picture on the right shows how gorgeous and picturesque (get it, picture, picturesque?)  it was this morning, and what an awesome view we get on the ride!  We've just come out of a ridiculous heat wave, so having morning temperatures in the 70s was a wonderful treat, and those are seriously some of the puffiest clouds ever!



The ride takes us past his favorite creek (okay, our only creek) and the rains from last night made the waters higher and faster than normal.

 I don't know how many times I was convinced he was going to ride his bike into the creek. He loves watching the water rush by, and kept getting distracted by it on our ride.

The entire ride and breakfast took up our Saturday morning. Just a little trip on a cool, breezy Saturday from one place to another.

Snapshot of Summer

Fourth of July Hike

This July 4th, there are so many wildfires in Colorado, and such a danger of fire because of the intense heat and dry year, that the city won't be celebrating with fireworks. The sale of fireworks has been banned, and our neighborhood has been at it's quietest this time of year in... well... years... But what better way to celebrate our land than through walking it? I took Bear on a hike to Heil Valley. We took the Lichen Loop until it hooked up with Wapiti, then took that trail. It was, as Bear described, 'Over-Awesome' because, see, awesome just didn't describe it enough....




The thing that took me by surprise the most? When he randomly ran to me, hugged me, and said 'I love you mom' before scampering up the trail. Awwww, Sweet Bear!

This was probably the first time in a long time, I had alone time with Bear. What did I learn about him on the trail? He wants to be a builder.... There are some dull pictures of paver stones I was forced to take, because they were 'interesting' somehow...

Happy Fourth!

Renaissance Festival Braids

We went to the Renaissance Festival, and essentially discovered how quickly a 15 year old teenager can spend her money!

This, though, I think was worth it:

And I can totally see how this could be justified:

But the tourist hoodie and the $20 puppet and the other bits of food, I'm not sold on, but hey, that's how you roll when you're 15 apparently!

Summer Manifesto

Thanks Denice! Because of you, I have a summer manifesto, too.

It's very short.

Explore our playground!

Hi Bear, please don't fall....

We kicked this first manifest off with a trip to Rabbit Mountain, aka Grasshopper Mountain, on account of the zero rabbits sighted, but the bajillions of grasshoppers leaping into our legs as we climbed.

Bear declared it his favorite trail until today's little jaunt to Heil Valley Ranch, which is now his favorite, but won't be, once we go to the next trail.

Both Turbo and Bear are excited about all these hikes and explorations we're taking, which is exciting for me, because I love getting outdoors finally!

This summer is the first summer I feel I could really do that with the boys, and we're busy picking out new trails to explore daily! I  can't wait to hit RMNP!

Lunch on a rock at Picture Trail

It's a long, dusty road

Out with the old year...

Go on, kick it out.

2011 was a weird year for us.
I'm glad it's over.
I'm hoping 2012 is a bit calmer, tamer, mundane...

One can only take so many upheavals in a year.

I don't want to scare 2012, so I'm not going into the New Year with a huge list of resolutions, must-haves and how-it-will-be-in-2012-isms. I mean, there's still the possibility that 2012 is the end of the world, so my dreams, plans and goals for 2012 will reflect that possibility.

I have three things I will do every day starting Jan. 1.
Well, I've already started, but these are my New Year's goals.

I will not go to bed until I've:

Written something, at least a page
Read something, at least a page
Exercised, at least 30 minutes

That's it!

That's me in 2012!

Happy Day After Christmas Day - best day of the year

I do enjoy Christmas, but by the time Christmas arrives, I'm almost ready to be done with it.

One of my favoritest days in the entire year is the day after Christmas Day.

It's not that I'm a grinch. I love the music, the lights, the simple traditions we engage in with the kids every year - cookie baking, tree decorating, singing mutilated versions of Christmas carols - it adds some festivity and brightness to a normally dark time of year.

I grew up fully engulfed in the religious context of Christmas, but as history and the religious holiday don't quite match up, I'm not going to dwell on the religious. Those who truly celebrate the holiday in a fully religious capacity aren't affected by.... Santa, elves and the crushing realization that Santa provides presents solely based on your parents' economic status.

Right now, my kids love it - Santa, presents and stockings and all.

But really, Santa is us telling our kids some magical, mythical creature exists solely to bring them toys in some mythical place called the North Pole. Lets hush up about the poor, starving kids that get nothing.

I'm guilty, I really am. I perpetuate Santa.

I justify it by my belief that childhood belief in magic and myth helps kids' imaginations. It helps stave off the ho-hum reality of life and helps transition them from belief in magic to fascination in science - why no, a big fat man isn't going to come down a chimney we don't have and drop off presents, but we can TOTALLY travel in space and build a bio-dome on Mars.

I will say, though, at 8, this is their last year of belief. Mr. logic, Turbo Boy has already figured it out but is hanging on to the dream, while Bear suddenly realized that um, if Santa is magical, why didn't he get a DS? And how come Santa always brings things that Target sells? And um, the kids at school, they got DS' and consoles and snowboards and a trip to Bali and ummm... hmmm....

This is what I think ultimately breaks the myth of Santa -- Johnny Rich Kid and siblings gets snowboard and gear, a season pass, a new console - elite version - for the entertainment centers in their bedrooms,  5 best selling games to match, and a crap ton of designer clothing. Danny Dad Works The Night Shift gets 1 new game and a console for the whole family, some socks and a sled, but that's okay because hey, sleds are cool.

But that's the kids. Me? Presents? Ack! No, anything. Ask me to do anything, but do not ask me to find meaningful gifts my family will cherish every. single. year. Inevitably, I fail. There's so much pressure! Even if I had deeper pockets than I do, I can't do it. I. Just. Can't give the perfect gift.
 Get your child the best gizmo! And the gizmo games! Do something big - buy your husband a new toolbox, with all the tools, in a new workshop. Give the gift of diamonds. Spend more money than you actually have because if you don't, you're admitting you're you know... economically challenged (to be fair, being economically challenged is very 2011, and is rumored to remain the smokin' hot trend of 2012...).

The entire point of 2012 for my "economically challenged"  and so-smokin-hot-trending-2012 family is to become less 'stuff' oriented. Christmas defeats that entire purpose. It's the time of year when you buy a bunch of random stuff for people who only think they want it. Inevitably, one or two gifts are used, kept and loved and the rest become destined for basements, yard sales and re-gifts. Then, of course, there's the silent disappointment - oh, is this what you got me? Do you even you know, know me?

So here's to the Day After Christmas Day.
My favoritest day of the year.
The day where everyone is chill, the kids aren't yet bored by all their loot and the brand-spankin' New Year hangs over us all, about to come in all blinged out and optimistic, where the only thing you need to buy is some good wine and Chinese take-out.

Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup

That pretty much sums up today.

I have two weeks off. In the Corporate World, that means I'm a programmer, software engineer, or work somewhere else in tech where the idea of working the weeks between Christmas and New Year's Eve is so mind-boggling awful, they shut down and send everyone home. And mostly don't pay them. 

In the world of education, it's just you know, Winter Break.

I'm on Winter Break.

YAAAY.

In celebration of Winter Break, I did every conceivable chore I need to do before I go back to work next year. All in one day: Bills, paid. Christmas presents, mostly bought. Appointments for everyone for eyes, teeth and whatever else, made. (Oh crap, I forgot the cats!!! They'll be February)  I spent today doing all the stupid, annoying things that I never actually have time to do any other time of... well... any other time at all.

So now I can goof off and write. quilt. swim. bake. run (after eating the baked things).

I'm soo excited.

I'm so excited, that on this cold, snowish Monday, I dug out the fine paper plates and gourmet Campbells, and made some awesome Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup for dinner.  

Woo hoo!

Happy Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup Monday.

Bizarro Lisa

I changed my twitter name to BizarroLisa. How cool is that?
It's because I have two twitter feeds, and it has been annoying my friends, all five of them, that follow me... 'who will you choose, will it be you, or bizarrolisa?' and that is awesome.

This by the way, is yet ANOTHER attempt to kick start my writing :)

I've got a cool job I love now, so yeah. Totes to me!

I'm sending my baby out to be published, the one I've spent so much time on, that's been done for a year and a half, but that I never bothered sending out. TROLLS!

There are those who know me who feel the only way to move on with writing is to send that one piece out.
Next up: do I do demons, biological metamorphis' or crazy teen angst?