Sunday, October 28, 2012

It's my B-day and I'll Gogh if I want to...

Monday is my birthday really, but my friends and I had a day out in Denver.

We went to this fabulous breakfast place, Snooze Eatery, in Denver, and it was pretty much the only food we needed all day, because... yum... Of course, it would be ridiculous to let the fact we had eaten this huge breakfast to stop us from getting dessert later... 

We went to see Van Gogh's exhibit, which I thought was great, and, to show my appreciation for his honest art, I will be purchasing two mugs depicting two of his most famous paintings. And who says I can't appreciate art?

That's not fair, though, I found the exhibit inspiring, and now I'm searching for a biography on van Gogh, because now I'm utterly fascinated, but not by his life, but his works and his words. I found some of his quotes wonderful, and words that every artist, writer, person seeking for more, should become familiar with. One of my favorites;

“I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it.”

My friends are awesome, and I always enjoy spending time with them. I've claimed them as my friends shortly after I moved to Colorado (to their dismay), and I can't imagine a world without them. This isn't true, I can imagine my life without them. I've always relied on my friends to keep me here, to not allow me to drift in the natural direction my mind tends to drift, which is, last time I drifted, somewhere just past the outer moons of Saturn, I believe.... I need my friends, they are my anchors. I always dread my drifting, my difference, my not-always-here-ness will bore them, but so far, they're still here, anchoring.  

And they are ridiculously silly. One accepts what one must...

This is at the Denver Art Museum, on our way out. The real surprise at the Denver Art Museum was the El Anutsui exhibit. They called it a retrospective, and going through it, I was amazed at his ability to capture history in such an amazing, unique way. He used bottle caps and wood and clay and glass and normal materials heaped in trash piles or found all around, and told stories! Anyhow, it was a pleasant surprise, and I enjoyed that exhibit as much as the Van Gogh exhibit. Of course I would, I am always interested in how stories are told, whatever the medium. I am, I think, more interested in telling stories than simply just writing, and I love the stories his art spoke.

Saturday was a great day, but it's really my friend, Denise, who (she made me an epic quilt everyone in my family is trying to steal)  pretty much planned this for me, because, true to my typical style, I couldn't decide, make up my mind, or figure out what we should do, only that we should go out and spend time together. 

The best of me has always been the people around me, my friends, my family, my ridiculously fat and round cat... and this picture of faces and food and stuff pretty much sums it all up:

Dear friends, you're awesome. Le Pizza.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Oh, the Creative Life

Isn't it funny how the most creative people struggle with actually doing the creative work?
**for those people who are creative and don't struggle with doing the creative work, I mean the rest of us...

I do a lot of creative work. Just not MY creative work. And so begins Day 1, Week 1, Version 3, of the Creative Way 12-step, er, week, program. I love it, I've gone halfway through it before, and it always helps - it works for me. It just makes me better in my creative life. This time, I'm going to go through it all! My favorite part are the daily 3 pages, and the weekly artist dates.

I count yesterday's bike ride as an artist date.

Yesterday, I went on an hour long bike ride by my lonesome self. I stopped at one point, 30 minutes in, to take stock of where I was. I mean, I knew where I was, but I didn't realize, really, where I was - not far from civilization, but alone in a desolate area. Alone in a desolate area, but one filled with life. A dry place, with a pond and a splash of colored leaves on trees in the distance. It was so beautiful, and the place, the moment, the time, instantly calmed my mind, my stresses, my worries and made me feel a part of this strange beauty, as if everything else that existed mattered less than that I was in this one place on a paved trail through Colorado terrain.

It is not a lot, it is everything.
I'm not the greatest photographer in the world, but I like capturing moments and feelings. This one says everything to me about where I am both in my head, in my heart, and in the world.

I think that one of the hardest things to do in life is to remain true to yourself, because it requires truly knowing what that truth is - shutting out the should-dos, the must-dos, the expectations, the projected desires, the whimsical fancies that distract - how do you find that truth? How do you find you? It's a lonely process, because it requires withdrawing, turning in, closing your eyes and listening to a voice you probably haven't heard since you were 8, when you may not have known you, but at least every moment was honest. If we live honestly, truthfully, then every moment can be an honest moment, and every action a true action. This way, we can live a life true to ourselves. I Think we also have many truths at different points of our life, because we change, and that is okay, to recognize this change, but there is one true me, just as there is one true you, and one true everyone.

Pictures capture moments in time and place, but sometimes they capture meaning. This picture resonates with a truth I seek, a clarity of mind I desire, a spirit of serenity I long for, place of belonging so palpable I'm surprised I'm not still there - a cluster of long grasses swaying (or, maybe I am still there).

This is not a beginning, but a new search, a new journey sparked by all the other journeys in my past. I have a destination, I'm just not quite sure of the way, or what I will find when I get there.

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Hello Saturn

My mom was an astrologer, and obsessed with Saturn. Saturn changed signs recently, and has moved into my native sun sign, for three eyars.

I don't know what sign Saturn moved into in my chart, though I suppose I could look it up. What I do recall is my mom saying that this was the age where writing would be big for me.

Maybe it's superstitious, I don't know, but I'm going through the Artist's Way creative journey (again, ha!), and I've resolved myself to doing the work, and not the judging. I'm so great at judging, that I never actually finish. I'm over that.

I'm really motivated to start, but it's Husbear's birthday tomorrow, and we were out doing things he wanted to do, and now is the first time I've been able to sit down and write a word. Since I'm too tired to write a story, I thought I'd just do what every sane, capable and working writer does, and write.... words, regardless. We never know, as writers, what words will be the words that bring the next idea, story, meaning. We never know, as writers, what our words will bring. To not write them is to receive nothing, to give nothing.  So I'm writing down the words.

And working very hard to not worry about anything else.