Thursday, March 30, 2006

Oooh that smell...

That smell, ooh what could that smell be?
It permeated the bedroom for two days, emanating ominously *i love saying that* from the bathroom.
What, oh what could that subtle, but growing, stench be? It smelled like mildew. My husband decided it was the smell that occurs when you don't use the fan while taking a shower, and then nagged me about the consequences of not using the bathroom fan. Let me quote what he said... "nag nag nag blah blah nag you're fault blah blah nag."

I thought it smelled like wet towel. He suggested the trash can. It's empty, has been for two days because someone throws their trash directly into the sink. Let me quote what I said to him, "nag nag nag trash can right there nag blah blah."

So what is that smell? I think and think, and recall, an incident involving a toddler, cheerios, and milk. Ah HA... It is a mildewy towel, but not just mildew, no, mildew with a light blend of rotten milk. I suddenly panicked, this situation is not unlike the 'bananna and milk stained shirt in the washing machine' incident which resulted in a washing machine full of harmless but disgusting fruit flies. I have isolated the main source of potential future fruit fly breeding, and thrown it away. It's an old towel anyhow. The slightly less-affected peripheal clothing will be washed.

My house will not be a sanctuary for fruit flies. The line must be drawn, and it will be drawn he-ure!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

No Child Left Behind My Ass

I hated seeing the signs at the school... my daughter was attending another school that was backing the 'no child left behind' wagon. Of course, what this means is, she's being left behind. Or rather, allowed to pass on to grade after grade, because she is being left behind and in the left behind program, all children must succeed.

All this program seems to do is require that my daughter pass a multitude of tests. Well, she has ADD, *of which she's being reevaluated for because she's being left behind in class...* and she is anxious about tests. So, you see how this works for her. My sister was a, as my father would say, piss-poor, test taker. She barely passed the ones that mattered. But she KNEW the stuff. She just froze. She had major test anxiety. To compensate for this anxiety, she would study soo hard, study everything, even the minutest, minorist thing, and then, when she saw the test, forget it all. Panic. If only they allowed us to smoke during tests. She probably would have aced them.

You can see why she had problems with me. I know how to study. I had an instinctive understanding of how to study only the relevant things that mattered. I am an example of one of those children who put in the least amount of effort required to get grades good enough to be considered smart. Not smart enough to be tested for special IQ genius level classes, just smart enough to make it into a few honor classes, just smart enough to make the honor's roll enough times no one ever actually asked about homework, just smart enough to do well enough without actually doing anything. If I think back, it's amazing how much work I got out of. I assumed my kids would get that side of me. Well, my daughter didn't get that gene. She can't study either. She's smart, but she can't just memorize and regurgitate. She needs to understand WHY she's memorizing and regurgitating. She can do her homework with me. She can't do it with her father. *The irony being, he has more patience when it comes to her homework... She hates reading so when she reads she doesn't pay attention. Her teacher calls it 'critical thinking.' My daughter recognizes it as 'effort I'd rather not expend on something this mundane and boring.' Her teacher was surprised she did so well on a few readings, but not on others. Well, I'm not. the readings she did well on? She liked. So she paid attention.

Now, her teacher isn't bad, but there is only so much you can do with a nine year old who simply isn't interested. I think my daughter is the only child I've ever known who will, while taking an assessment test, stop midway through to draw, on the test itself, a rendition of herself and her crush at the altar getting married. She's also the only girl in class not allowed to wear jewelry *a distraction.*

Thus, she's left behind.

My husband and I do what we can to help her, but I honestly believe that she's going to be left behind until she, on her own terms, 'gets it.' To this end, I make her do extra math sheets for the second grade math, even though she's in third, because I know she didn't ever GET second grade math. We'll cover third grade this summer. I am trying to enroll her in summer school. * I know, mean mom...* and I will continue to buy flashcards and spend an hour a day after school about three days a week *it should be five, but it's stressful tutoring your kid* working with her on reading and math, hoping that between my work, her brain, and the ridiculously under-funded institution we call public school, she will 'get it' sometime before she graduates high school.

But I do have something to say to all those parents who whine about how their genius kids must suffer in classes with doodling daydreamers like mine who need more attention. VOTE FOR MORE SCHOOL FUNDING. I mean, what do you want when your state pays less for your child's education than Alabama? Don't take it out on my kid. The state is, as far as I'm concerned, correct in helping the ones that need it the most. Your kid probably isn't even a genius anyhow, it's just not hard doing well in elementary school in America. Unless you're a daydreaming doodler who stares at the clouds all day....

My Blog Sucks!

I have blog complexes. And blog anxieties. I've read so many other better blogs. Which wouldn't normally bother me. Nobody can be perfect, somebody in fact, is always better than you or can do more than you or is better at more things than you. This is true of everyone, until you reach God. God created everything in nature to be perfect. If this is true, than I think Satan had a large hand in my garden.... But the point isn't the garden that God forgot, it's that my blog is crappier than everyone elses. Now, not many people read the blog, so it's not a huge issue, however, well, I used to think I was amusing. Then again, before the boys, I used to think on a daily basis. Now I only get thoughts about once every few days.

So today I made a decision. Cleanliness is just not attainable throughout the whole house. I will pick up the living room. I will pick up the kitchen. I am no longer holding myself responsible for my daughter's room, the family room downstairs, any of the bathrooms except for a monthly bleach-offensive where everything must die... or even my bedroom beyond laundry and a walking path. The boys room, well, I"ve put everything in their closet and locked it. I plan to paint over the pencil marks on the wall some day. For those who are mortified at the thought of pencil marks remaining on a perfectly good wall for months at a time let me know, I'll give you my address and paint color preferences. My house wouldn't be an issue if ANY of the other members would be willing to oh I don't know, CLEAN SOMETHING once in a while...

OOOH I finally bought a shredder. This is going to help me throw out years of paperwork that go past seven years and months of junk mail, as well as file important papers. File being subjective. I have a file cabinet. I put important papers in it. I hope to one day use the hanging folder thingies, with labels. I can't wait to use the shredder. I love shredding things. Who knows when that will be...

I have also made another decision. Two hours of writing, 1-3, even if there is mold or fungi speaking to me from the fridge, sink, boys diapers, et al. That is a time I am always home. I can't leave between 1-3 because the boys nap around that time, and when they wake up, they are cranky bears for another half an hour. Getting them to get out of the house and go anywhere is impossible. And my daughter gets home at 3:30. She's not old enough to stay home by herself.

My only gripe today is my trainer. He yelled at me. Hurt my feelings. Made me cry. Okay no. But he did yell at me. Because I was jogging. And I think, if I were someone else, he wouldn't have said 'what the hell do you think you're doing,?' he would have said, "Hi, you know, you don't need to be jogging. Slow down and let me explain this.' Nooo. I get 'What the hell do you think you're doing' so I stated the obvious. "Jogging." "No." "Yes." "No, you were running." "I was jogging." "Same thing." "No." "You're working too hard." Okay, now I"m listening. "Walk. Just walk, walk fast, but don't run or jog." Okay here's my problem with this. I like running. I start walking, and intend to walk, and not jog or run, but once I start walking, I got my ipod on, I got my music on, I'm walking, then faster, and faster, and then Avenging Angels comes on, or some other crazy song only I like, and I'm running, and my mind is off, and I'm running and daydreaming at the same time, it's wonderful. Except when I start daydreaming I'm being chased... but anyhow... so I have a hard time just walking. But I know I'll lose more if I stop running and just jog... bah.

I actually do have more important things to worry about than whether to jog or run, but I just don't feel like whining about them right at the moment.

Two days til my anniversary weekend. Yaay. I plan to shop ridiculously.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Mid Day Blog

Update: dinner with dread-law sucked, but whatever, he's gone. Lets hope this deal doesn't go through so we don't get to see him more.

Now, it's mid-day, 1 p.m.-ish. I just showered, and am wandering around in my bra and underwear and socks, hoping that I will find my toothbrush, the second one this week my sons snagged. Yesterday they threw my lip gloss in the toilet and tried to flush it. I did just find the shampoo, though, so there is that. To this end, my dear husband is going to move my computer into the living room where I can monitor the darlings and keep my room off-limits so I can actually write and do my classes. If he doesn't, I am simply not going to do things he expects me to do to make his life easier, like cook meals and wash his clothes.

We have our anniversary weekend this weekend, and I haven't done anything to get ready for it. Go me. We'll pack on Thursday. I will worry about packing Thursday night. I'd like to you know, put some thought into it, but that would require me to think ahead, and I got the hotel already, didn't I?


Somebody I know isn't updating their blog, and I am left to wonder, where is that paper shredder now?

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Sunday nights

I live for quiet Sunday nights. If I don't have a quiet Sunday night, the rest of my week is all off.

I am hopefully mostly recovered from the weirdest case of 'can't move from the couch' ever. I hate having that really achey tired feeling because that is all about 'getting sick' or 'still sick' or something.

So now my back hurts, but okay, it's because I gardened all day today. I totally cut back these brambly, thorny rose bushes in the front yard. I cut them down far, so they are just stems. They will grow and blossom still, just bigger, prettier, and um, less prickly. They had gotten out of control. Then I transplanted this low-lying plant with bright small flowers from the bed against our house to the front of the rose bush, with two other plants like it. I don't know what they are called, but they are cute, and the flowers are bright. Then I planted heather. I love heather. I planted summer flowering heather, and got rid of this funky grass thing that I hated that was going everywhere. This is all still in the bed that has the now-trimmed rose bush. The summer-flowering heather is nice and yellow with white flowers when it blooms. I have another one to plant in a container. The winter flowering heather doesn't look as lively. I'm going to put it in a container, but it's purple is pale. I have some winter flowering heather out in the back already, and I totally should have cut it back. It looks a bit flat, so when I get to that bed, I will be doing some massive heather cuttings. I think there's too much purple there, though. I love blues and purples in gardens, but maybe in that one area, there's just too much purple.

So my other gardening feat today was to plant some snapdragons, some blue lobella, and two black knights. I'm eager to see how the black knights work out. I planted the lobella and snapdragons to fill in some bare spots. I'm trying to get a mostly perennial garden/yard, because it's um, easier.

My tulips, still growing... hoping they will bloom soon. My hyacinths bloomed, they are gorgeous.

As horrible as my garden looks right now, I'm still excited about it. This is because the rosebush and the area around it that I just cut, looks good. Now I'm going to work on the beds along the side of the house. I'm taking it area by area. If I don't, I'll go nuts. Oh, but I am solving one problem, there is this one bed that has nothing but groundcover, I'm tearing the ground cover up, and planting marigolds straight into the ground. Then I can deal with that bed next year. This year, I have to really deal with the problem of chives. They rule my rose bushes!!!! I wonder if I can make chive soup.

Well, I'm off for an early night of lounging about on the couch or the bed or maybe, who knows, I'll switch... Husband is doing his homework and the kids are all tucked away sleeping and I have to get up too early to go see a trainer and ask him what he recommends since I obviously have hit a plateau weight wise, which I'm not happy about. All I can think of is doing more cardio, sooo I will have to incorporate cardio into my life somehow with the boys. Maybe if it stopped raining, we could do daily walks... oh but wait, rain. Okay it didn't rain today, and I gardened, see? Cardio.


Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Ten Years

Ten years ago, on April 1st, I married this cute, lean, *okay okay skinny, but muscled from lifting lots of big bombs* red-headed airmen that worked on the flightline and rode a shiny red motorcycle who's aspirations at the time involved finding a way to get into motorcycle racing and thinking about trying out for a position that involved doing something dangerous on helicopters.

He's grown up now, has me, three kids, owns an SUV and a sedan, has a nice oh-so-cliche-ish split-level home in a burb, *with an admittedly ugly turquoise carpet* and makes games for a living. His main goals now are to teach his boys to do all the dangerous things he liked doing, but safely, and to get his daughter to stop figuring out how to use her blonde hair to rule the world.

And we're going to celebrate our tenth anniversary alone. Without the kids. Dumping them off with my sister while we go play.

We're staying at the Vintage Plaza in Portland, and it's too expensive, really, for a hotel room, but you only have one ten year anniversary, and we never did much on all the other ones. We only think the decades are important... all the years in between, just filler.

We're going to lounge on a huge king-sized bed *we could have had solarium windows to the night sky, ahh the romance, but no, someone's main request for the weekend was a big ass bed... * plus the jetted two-person jacuzzi, (if i'm not getting the night sky, I'm getting a jacuzzi tub* and I ordered the romance package so yes, for the first time in my life, there will be rose petals... rose petals!... scattered on our sheets ahhh... champagne and breakfast....

I'm debating a massage. I would like one, but I don't really see how to fit it in since the night we arrive we'll probably eat at the restaurant and um, have a pillow fight later on... the next day we'll be shopping and eating and hanging out in the pearl district... or something, and that night, well, more pillow fighting... the next morning we'll probably do breakfast and depart for more pearl district shopping before we pick up the children. Maybe I can do a massage that morning.


Ten years.


Okay everyone married for more than ten years is like, yeah what's your point. Oh and married... people who lived together + married equaling ten years, that doesn't count. The first part is cheating. You don't get to count it, because it's like, um, it's like a game beta. Yeah it's just like the real thing, but it's not really, because it's free and there's no real committment since you can walk at any time... but then beta ends and you have to pay up and oh all of a sudden, it's a little bit different... yeah...a few more complaints to CS cuz now you're paying and you expect there to be less bugs but somehow, there are think maybe you should cancel your account, but you aren't sure because you've already put some time into it and you like the game if only it would work better...

Nope. Whole nother world. That little bit different part is the part where you realize that you can't just be a seperate person anymore. No, you are no longer seen as a separate entity, nor are you a seperate entity. You've been morphed into one entity, a Mr. and Mrs., rather than so and so and his girlfriend or so and so and his boyfriend, now it's "the pluralized version of your name' and words like husband and wife sort of start rolling off people's tongues when they talk about you. All of a sudden, when you think about what you want you must now automatically consider in your brain what your spouse wants, and factor that in to your wants, and that occasionally changes your wants.

It's like, yeah, deep dude.

Ten years.

Well anyhow. Enough on that for tonight.

My main blog was going to be about how today sort of blurred to me. I woke up a bit tired, but had some coffee and was ready to goooo... I was going to go walk with the boys for cardio, then take them to playtime pals, then deposit a check, run some errands, come home, clean, etc etc. I got the boys clothes, but felt, odd, so I thought, I'll sit down for a second. So I sat on the couch. Then, I sort of morphed into a laying on the couch position. Then I got up, and realized, getting up, not such a good idea. So, I laid right back down, and let the boys run amok after changing them and feeding them something, anything, that didn't require effort. I got up to get them a snack or two, and to get them to stop playing with the toaster *one of my smart toddlers tried to toast his own bagel...* then it was their nap and my nap time. I slept for three hours in my bed. Woke up, moved ot the couch, and um, stayed their til my husband came home with soup for me, waffles for him, and well, I thought, i should at least do dishes, *he hates dishes* and he said 'stop doing dishes' ahhh.... a keeper that one.

But if I look back to today, one big sleepy blur. Now it's 11 p.m and I'm tired. From all that sleeping. Really, I'm only up because I had one last essay to do before my week-long break from classes. My sister thinks I'm regretting the whole master's program. I don't know if I'm regretting it. I just don't know if my brain is ready for it. It's been a while. Ugh. Plus, my own writing... I will sort it out. Right now, I'm just taking my sick, sleepy self to bed. I cancelled my trainer appt. tomorrow. I'm sick today, there is no way I'm getting up at 5:30 a.m. just so I can pass out at the gym.

last night I dreamt about cake
oddest dream ever, since I'm not even really a cake person...

Yes, the sun is setting on La La Land... and all the La La's are going to sleep in their happy, comfy, La La beds where they will have happy happy La La dreams...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


I've decided, before I answer the final question and b.s. for three more pages on points of parity and all that, that I will nap for about five hours.

Midterm blues


All through school and college, I've done well. Mostly. Minus a few courses here and there.

I am convinced I'm going to fail this midterm. Mainly, because I don't know what the guy wants! He's only graded one essay. Didn't grade the conference. I'm sooo confused about what he's looking for ,AND this midterm is essentially seven pages where I need references. Um. References. Okay. the text book? He said mid-term, he didn't say 'term paper' or 'research paper.'


I only have three more pages to go. Like a smart person, I'm not actually turning it in until I go over it again tomorrow and put the like, two, references I have in order. Like a dumb person, I waited until tonight to start it and it's due 9 p.m. tomorrow. Of course I can't do anything until 8 so my sons will have to just watch tv and eat cookies for an hour, whatever it takes for the quiet.

Go me.


I hate school.
Yes, I'm thirty-not-telling and I still hate school. I could be doing so much more with all this time!

Like sleep.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Midterms and marketing

I am about to take, or begin, my mid-term in marketing.

The teacher is insane but aside from that, this entire class is about 'explaining' how marketing is beyond sales, it's more than sales, it's about product innovation and development and blah blah blah but in the end, no matter what you say, it comes down to, profit which is, sales. Marketers aren't inventing products or innovating because they have a passion, or an idea they just have to try, that they will then try to sell, and yes, that is sales, but these people who sell things with passion and belief, are selling it with passion and belief because they truly DO believe in it and are passionate about it and that's why they created it. Marketers, people who make a living marketing? Whatever they do, it is not out of passion. So, sales, convince people to buy shit they don't need.

I hate marketing.
I also hate this marketing class.
And the mid-term is going to kill me. I have no idea what my grade in that class is, because none of the grades are posted.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Roast Lamb

Lamb lamb lamb...

I could eat lamb forever. I first got a taste for it in England. My husband wanted to try the local grocery stores instead of the base one. He brought home a pre-seasoned lamb roast with mint and some funky rice. Mmmm. So we're having roast leg of lamb with um stuff. Okay, with cous cous for me and rice for the wimps and veggies or salad. Probably salad. We've got three bags. I know, you all really care about my meals...

So I am avoiding the scale. My spacey trainer said it's best if I don't go near it. I, of course, went near it, and I am finally losing weight. At first, I gained, but it was because I was gaining muscle and losing fat. So I LOOK thinner, but now I finally am seeing the weight loss. I didn't do any of my cardio this week because my sons were sick. I'm not going to worry about it though, because I worked out Monday, am working out tomorrow and Friday, and can get at least two cardios in tomorrow and Friday. Also, housework counts for something. Besides, and this is important, DIET counts toward 80 percent of your success in losing weight. So eating right is by far the most important part of getting trimmer. I want to go to 125. My trainer set me at 132. He wants me to hit that. I am ambitious, apparently. I can do this by sticking to a 1500 calorie day. 1200 is too low and bad. 1550 good. 1551 bad. 1450 good. 1449 bad. Okay dude. I get it. Oh and I can't just eat one meal a day or two and call it good. I have to eat breakfast.

Breakfast. What is breakfast? In high school, breakfast was a cupcake and coca cola. Mmmm. In my first year of college, it was um, same, but with diet coke. IMPROVEMENT.... In the military it was coffee. Post-military, coffee. Post-military job, coffee unless it was wednesday, and then it was coffee and doughnut. Stay at home mom? Back to coffee. So breakfast is hard. Right now, I can do a granola bar and a fruit and um, coffee. I occasionally get to slip in a bowl of cereal or something. I'm not good at breakfast. It's hard to eat that early!

Next week's big meal: New England Boiled Dinner
I'm from New England, and we never ate this. But hey, first time for everything. I'm doing it for St. Pattie's Day. I, every once in a while, decide to try doing the whole brisket and cabbage thing. And every year, it blows. But hey, I'm nothing if not persistent...

Husbandly whine:
Him: I want to play my X-box.
Her: You can't. (not because i'm the big meanie, thank you)
Him: I waaaant to.
Her: You said you can't do family game night *we haven't actually STARTED this yet, we're trying to* because you had too much homework. *He's getting a degree, shhhh, most people at his work thinks he already has one...
Him: I can play tonight and suffer tomorrow.
Her: No, because I'm not going to mom's night out so you can do your work because you're so overloaded, PLUS we're supposed to do game night
Her: Life sucks, oh we're having lamb...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

peace and quiet

I finally have it.
I don't know what to do with it.
It's strange, a distant memory relived, a moment when there is peace, and quiet, the children, sick with some ailment are asleep in their beds, the husband, sick with ailment passed on from the children, asleep in the bed, the daughter, suffering from not having the ailment and therefore not being paid attention to, huffed and puffed and dramatized her way to sleep in her bed. The mom, well, we all know mom's can't get sick, and if they do for some strange reason, get sick, it must be put off until a convenient time, like the weekend, during the children's nap... so mom is going to hope a new brit show is on, so she may enjoy the peace and quiet downstairs, with a cup of tea, a blanket, a good show, and ahh, peace and quiet...

..... until about 3 a.m. when one of the said children wakes up to yakk on her.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Spring cleaning

I told my daughter today that if people didn't spring clean, it would rain til summer.

She didn't believe me.

I did spring cleaning. I cleaned everything except the garage which just needs a nice big trip to the dump, and the bedroom, which is filled with laundry and paperwork moved in from all the other rooms. That's a week-long project, not a Sunday Spring Cleaning Fling...thing...

Okay so I have people coming over tomorrow. The first time ever that I'll have real people over my house. Hubbies friend D. and E. don't count, because um, okay because I don't think they like me, so it doesn't matter ha ha. W. and S. don't count as real people because they know the real me. People who know the real me don't count, and if they 'get' me, or understand how my mind works, well, that pretty much places them out of the realm of reality. Sorry guys, sorry El.

The batteries in my wireless mouse are critically low. I must replace the batteries to ensure the mouse works properly.

We all know when I will actually replace the mouse batteries.

So, as usual, during one of my 'must clean it all' modes, I choose a weekend when I'm swamped. I had a 'research reference project' to do, my allergies kicked in without warning, Hubby was in a mood because it's the first week of his new job and he's sort of experiencing the backlash of all that emotional hooplah the past couple of months, the boys were clingy cranky snot-bubbling red-cheeked whiny cling-ons and the only person not on my 'you are driving me crazy' list bailed to her friend's. I got a hold of her tonight though muahahahaa. Tomorrow I promised her an hour of mommy and daughter watching a brit com. Ahh, I love that kid. But it means that it's now 11:25. Again, I have to get up at 5:20 a.m. but I wont' hit the sheets til midnight because I'm actually washing the slipcovers on my couch. The final four are in the dryer. If you saw the way my boys smooshed their snot into those babies, you'd wash them too.

Something about spring cleaning and allergies though. For some reason, I always pick a weekend when my allergies are awful. It's like, aaahchoo, headache, sore throat, aaah, it must be spring... time to clean... I took clariton last night, but it takes a couple of days to kick in. Oh but, inhaling all those cleaners cleared my sinus' right up. Gave me a killer headache, but solved the sinus issue for a while. There are people who really can't be trusted around cleaners. I'm one of them. I overbleach. I use one cleaner on one surface, run out of it, rince it, and toss another one on it. I use windex, 409 and pine sol interchangeabley. I use comet on everything in the bathroom except mirrors. I can't be trusted. But hey! My house smells clean! Oh and I aired it out. During the major allergy weekend. I want to be sure we all suffer. But the house needs fresh air. I want a pollen remover gidget :)

Well, it's time to finish up and try to get some sleep before my way-too-early workout tomorrow. *I'm going to drink coffee before I go to the gym this time :)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The boy

This blog is short because someone is howling and apparently will be cuddling with mom and dad all night....

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Early blog

This is an early blog because I am shutting the computer off early tonight. I'm going to enjoy my coffee, maye a book, and um, okay I admit it, I'm torn between cleaning and lounging. Who wants to bet I lounge?

My crocus' are in bloom, bright, big purple blossoms... sooo pretty. It's affirmed my belief in my gardening abilities. I'm not a complete nature hacker after all. We've got daffodils too. I think I've mentioned that. I don't think I planted them, so I can't take credit, but hey, I will anyhow.

My sons are still sleeping. It's 5:20. They will never go to bed tonight. The good news is, they will sleep long tomorrow. Tomorrow is just Lauren's ballet, so I will take the boys in the yard while I start Spring by geting rid of dead stuff.

My daughter is 20 minutes late. She has absolutely no concept of time.