Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Is this really my life? Is this my life? My life, this is, truly? Are you sure?

I got some suggestions for a new blog name.

Asillisa which I really liked, but only clever introverts like me and the friend who suggested it would understand.

Turning over a new Li, which I also liked, but since I didn't get it at first, I don't think I'd be able to sell it... 'so, ms. famous blogger, what is 'Li?' "Why, I"ve no idea. Let me put you on with my cleverer friend who suggested it to me to explain what Li is, and why it means so much to me.'

I like one of them:

Is this really my life?

I'm just not sure about the question-in-a-blog thing. Maybe... This is really my life. Or. My life, this is, truly. Or WTF is this my life? Or, This is my life, like a statement or an accusation.  But, I might try it out if nothing better comes up. Because sometimes, I think, really, is this really my life?

I went to the hairdresser for a much-needed hair cut. The boys didn't notice, but I look more put together and less well, less un-put together. Usually when I'm going to start a new venture in life, or just feel like I need change, I go for something new and completely different. This time, I didn't want that, which surprised me. I thought I'd go in and say something like I usually do, like 'I want a short, sassy bob with long bangs and make me look like I have a heart-shaped chin and lose 10 pounds off my cheeks.'  Then, I dye my hair a new color. Oh how I love hair colors! Violet! Cherry Cola Red! So I stopped at the store and looked at all the Feria colors I love so much that I can't carry off because, honestly, you're saying something when you have violet hair. Not anything bad, no, it's just not the hair color for someone who wants to hike and run and is excited because of all the new journals she can write in. It's more for an artist or angry rebel or someone with cool tattoos who doesn't care about running or hiking. But maybe someone who would like journals. Definitely a writer type who specializes in romance. Which I do not. At. All. Not that I haven't tried, there's great money in it, it's just I'm not romantically imaginative enough to pull it off.  I like to think if I re-did life, I'd have violet hair and tattoos. Still probably wouldn't write romance though.

Then I realized it's really about change. The hair cut, not the lack of romantical imagination or desire for violet hair and gekko tattoos. (Romantical is now a new word.) It's how I don't want or need a very big change right now. A lot has happened, yes, but there's only one small change that I need, one small thing. Everything else around me is fine: family is good, friends are good, hobbies are good, running is good, hiking is in spring and will be great... I love the life I'm living. It's not my life that needs to change. It's the income I need to bring in that has to change. One isolated problem I can solve in time. Not something I need to completely alter my look for.

Well, except sometimes, I run into people and hold my breath thinking if I don't exhale, maybe they won't see me... then, I think, I should color my hair! And wear big sunglasses! And heels so I'll look taller! Then they won't recognize me! And it's nothing against those people, it's just they are strangers now, well, and mostly were then. Just shadows and ghosts of another life I care never to return to again. Except they keep cropping up in coffee shops all around town. Seriously, find a cemetery to hang in people, I'm trying to live a new, nondescript drama-free life here!

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