I'm such an unreliable blogger sometimes. I don't like that about me. I'm hoping I've set up an RSS feed, so people can just get my posts :)
I've accomplished a lot lately, a lot of little things that matter a lot to me. Things some people do every day without thinking a thing about it. I envy those people. The ones that get up and are excited about their morning workout at 5:30 a.m., vs. me, the person who fervently truly wishes that a freak thunder and hail storm will occur right as I walk out the door, so I can go back inside and spend the next hour drinking coffee. The ones who are already a success at their chosen profession, instead of, like me, trying to slip in unnoticed, in an unfamiliar world... (Don't mind me, I've been writing forever, just, not for you... here you go, slip it in your accept pile, we'll go from there...)
But the big payoffs have been in the mental switch that I've somehow made. I have scoured mindfulness websites, read everything on simple mindfulness, practiced moving meditations, do some yoga poses, practice all sorts of breathing tricks. It's all in the head, it's all silly little tricks, but, I have become calmer. (Seriously, I have, I know I know, I could be a lot calmer still, but we have to start somewhere...)
I stress less. I accept more. I take slower breaths, longer ones, as habit, not as an effort. I let the noise of other people pass by without taking it in and becoming part of it. I butt out of conversations no matter how juicy or interesting the tidbit. I generally care more about the people I do converse with, because I have more energy for them. I've embraced my introverted-ness. I mean, I've always known I was introverted, but now I'm retreating a bit more, thinking a lot more, and, ta da, writing more. There is just a peacefulness in how I'm living right now. Not that anything has changed, nothing has. It's my view of things has changed. I accept more, and I have more mental energy. I don't get as fired up or wound up, and I am less stressed, and generally less upset-y. Upset-y is not a word, but it is a true state. It's that place where anything can have you spinning one way. Where instead of spending a few minutes logically reasoning as to why it's not worth being upset over, you spend hours being upset. I don't get upset when someone nonchalantly accidentally tosses half a bottle of soy sauce on his plate and halfway across the table, or spills his entire breakfast on the floor. (Full disclosure: My daughter makes me crazy. The other day I stopped the car and pulled over, yeah that's right, P.U.L.L.E.D. O.V.E.R. because she was being... fill in blank... That's not me, though, they say that that is just a thing that happens, so I don't consider her driving me crazy not being calm. I say that I'm a lot calmer than can be expected in the face of seventeen year old girlness...)
What is going on in this calm, peaceful spot of life?
It always comes back to writing, food, kids, and running.
Kids. My boys are almost 11, they are wiry knees and elbows still, they are taller though will never be tall. They have opinions and thoughts and unfortunate tastes in fashion. They are at the age where looks matter, but it's okay to where three-day-old socks. They devour all the food in their path. They are sweet and rude, kind and mean, passionate and misinformed. They still believe in dreams and Santa, but one has discovered, through science and the composition of rainbows, the impossibility of leprechauns. The other hangs on to the belief. They know everything. Sometimes I think of writing for them, or about them, but that isn't what's in me to write just now. My daughter is surviving her last year of high school, with no solid plans for the future. That's okay, though. Who does, really, at 17, have it planned out? I'd just like her to get a license and a job. We can go from there.
Food. What a wonderful thing food is. I'm forcing myself to cook, no matter how tired, on weeknights and weekends, one, to save money, two, see: lost 7 pounds. It's great for both things. There's really nothing to say right now about food. I'll never be able to write about food, not really. I don't have really informed opinions about food, only, this variations of tasting good, and a questionable habit of creating substitutes for missing ingredients.
Running. I'm taking a break from being an epic kinda-runner and doing morning fitness camps. I plan to pick up running next spring. Right now, I run during boot camp, do some swimming, and read running magazines....
Writing. Ah. Writing. I've found my voice. I think I've written that before, fairly recently. It's true, I have. I finally wrote a full short story in it. It's not fantasy, it's not paranormal urban, though I love reading those genres, and experimented it, and have that full written novel in that genre, but it's something else. I won't even attempt to describe it, it is just, sweet. I'd like to say lyrical, but we'll see.
In other notable life events, I've killed my poor plants on the front porch, except the mint, (of course not the mint, it's never the mint) and have to replace them with lovely fall creations that I can't kill.