Fruit one day, gone the same day

The conversation we have every. single. night.

The setting: Kitchen area. Fruit bowl. Refrigerator.
Time: 3 p.m. through bedtime.
Characters: Twiggy boys who weigh less than my fat cat.
Situation: The boys have just finished a snack of 4 cookies each around 2:50 p.m.

Honeycrisp, banana, cantaloupe - a fruit bowl with actual fruit
not yet eaten!

Boy: "Bananas! Apples! Melon! Yaay!"

Me: Just one"

Boy: "Just two?" 

Me: "One."

Boy: "Three?"

Me: "One."

Boy: "okay. And this sausage?" 

Me: "No sausage."

Boy: "Sausage?"

Me: "No. I said no. I mean no."

Boy: "Just this and one sausage? Only one? See? Just one of these?" (holding package)

Me: "AAARHHHH I SAID NO."

Boy: "Jeez. You always yell. Okay. Just the one banana and sausage and the crackers and cheese you hid in the red plastic bin and a peanut. You can't say no to the crackers and cheese. I already found and ate the package."

Me: "Just the banana... DUDE those cheese and crackers were supposed to last the ENTIRE WEEK. Do you know that this is why we have no food?"

Boy: "Because you never grocery shop?"

Me: "What? No... I shop every day... just... just eat the banana."

Boy: "......soooo hunnnngrrrryyyyyyyy."

Me: "That's TWO bananas!... c'mon stop eating! I'm making dinner.'"

Boy: "No you're not, you're on your computer writing again. All you do...write write write."

Me: "I'm about to go make dinner."

Boy: "It'll take forever. You write forever. Sausage?"

Me: "Just eat the banana."

Boy: "And the sausage and maybe an apple? You know, we'd have more food if you found better hiding places."

Me: "No. No sausage. You already ate the banana. Where's your brother?"

Boy: "In the kitchen eating a bagel and the cantaloupe and the last of the cucumbers and the cat."

....