By Golly I think I've Got it

A balance I mean.

Check out my website: http://www.digifuss.com/ I changed it around (again) and am fiddling with what I want it to do.

It's where I will slowly (VERY SLOWLY) be transferring all my blog posts.

It seems that after a year and a half of working, I may actually have found a sort of balance.
Mind you, with my life, this will disappear quite quickly.

Anyhow, check it out. There's a lot of fine-tuning I'm trying to work out. Mainly, how to be less dry lol and what topics to focus on. I'll probably add a gardening blurb on their too, since gardening in Colorado has become somewhat of an obsession for me!

The Pondering Week

It's 5 a.m.

This is the time I wish I got up every morning. I'd like to be up, an early riser, at 5 a.m. every morning. Sadly, I only wake up this early when I've got that special allergy medicine head that makes it hard to sleep, or when a child wakes me (despite them all being school-age now!) or you know, I just can't sleep, or I have a bizarre dream, or I have one of those panicky check on the kids moments because I heard one coughing or crying.

And all I can think about is, all the things I'm not doing that I want to do, and how I can fit time into my day to do the things I really enjoy, like, oh writing, spending time with the mutt, and actually taking pictures again.

This is going to be my 'pondering' week. Because at the end of the day, I'm sure I CAN find time to fit these things in. It's, I'm sure, a mindset change. The same mindset change that lets me get up and jog three times a week and do a bit of a workout twice a week.

Maybe, just maybe, I can get up at 5 a.m. to write. Or maybe, maybe I just have to face that I must write at night (I'm by nature a morning writer, all my great thoughts are in the morning. My brain is fried at night). Maybe, just maybe, it's time to win the lottery, so I can stay home again and write more.

This week though, by the end of this week, I will have a solution.

Otherwise, why am I up at 5 a.m.?

Martinis and writing

After one of 'those' days at work, I went home to recreate my favorite, but not-oft indulged, treat: a dirty martini. I like two martinis. I like dry martinis and I like dirty martinis. A dry, dirty martini is a glass of awesomeness.

While making this concoction of Gin and Vermouth, I thought of many of our great writers, and their little problem with alcohol. And how alcohol fueled their creative processes. Well, so I imagine, else why would so many writers be alcoholics?

So I decided to see if a martini, a blissful alcoholic beverage, would help my creative process. I took my 3/1 gin/vermouth ratio (turns out I like 4/1 but hey, I wasn't going to waste the drink) to the writing table. Okay, the couch. And wrote.

We can all breathe easier, knowing that the only thing enhanced by this martini was my opinion of what I had previously written and the word-count, by about two paragraphs.

From this one attempt, I can honestly say that alcohol should not be involved in my writing process, however, since I think myself so much more clever after a martini, it SHOULD be involved in the submission process.

Pleasant Surprise at Tax Time and Running Shoes

How literal my title is!

But we did get a pleasant surprise at tax time. Turns out education credits this year ROXXOR the HOUXXOR. Hmm. Houxxor doesn't work for house, but you know what I mean.

However, one thing work has, yet again, done to me.

The Epic Work Weight Gain.

Yes, it has struck.

So now I must diet, as in, not eat... no just kidding, but seriously, now I am back to the stringent eating plan and working out plan that I did when I first moved here and ended up looking amazing.

Lesson?
Do NOT ever stop moving, working out or eating right. And do not eat food provided at work.

Trust me!!!!

Now, if only I can find a way to fit three pages a day back into my life for writing!


aaaarghhh

Happy Spring!

Health care reform, a brief thought

I am a big proponent of health care needing to change. I've had enough personal experience to have a deep-seated loathing for the insurance companies and their vested interest in doing as much as possible to deny coverage. I'm still fighting my previous insurance company because of one day my son spent in the hospital. They disagree with the doctor and the hospital who kept him in. Because, they would know.

So Health Care Reform? I'm sorry, but yes. Absolutely.

Here's where it gets tricky though. I believe this debate is less about health care and more the Republican's Great Stand in a power-play with a Democratic Washington. Because, when you look at the bill provisions, both parties aren't that far apart. Republicans and Democrats absolutely could have worked on this together, but instead, Republicans chose this issue to stand over, and lost.

I think the consequences to the Republican party are irreparable, because now that the day is won by the Democrats, the news focus will change from news of the battle to news of the victor. And, when the provisions start taking effect, and more Americans actually have insurance coverage, more individual plans will be made available, and the down-and-dirty process of enacting health care reform starts, people will pipe down. They might not want to give up their new health care policy. The fight was charged, and bitter, but in the end, as always, it was Politics, and the true effects of this decision won't be felt for years.

I will say, whichever side you are on, the one thing that absolutely needed to happen was a reform of the health care system in America.

I will also say, whichever side you are on, this fight was more politics than policy.

Will Healthcare Reform cure all? No, but it's a step in the direction everyone wants: better healthcare coverage, more healthcare coverage for poorer Americans, and better choices.

Hate it, love it, it matters not. Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, whoever, at the end of the day, prior to today, health care policy in Washington was written by the insurance companies. You may not agree with how health care is being reformed, but you have to agree it needed to be reformed, and America, IMO, couldn't afford to not do something. It's just a shame this had to be the battle ground. It's a shame we can't have a united government working in the interests of America. It's a shame Democrats and Republicans are so caught up in party politics they forget that the majority of Americans suffer for it.

And, at the end of the day, I believe most Americans were in the middle on this particular battle. The majority wanted a reform, but between the bullets flying from the Right and the Evilization of Health Care Reform, and all the noise, the majority, like me, stayed quiet, watching, wondering, hoping that at the end, what we end up with is not what we already have, a ridiculously broken system based on profit margins for insurers.

Spring sunshine and... snow?

So today was in the 60s, sunshine and happinesss....

Tonight and tomorrow: snow. Piles of it.

I personally don't believe it. I'm a big spring fan, and like to think that winter is done when it's done. But this is Colorado, and blizzards in spring are not unheard of.

Still.

I'm hoping for rain!

SUPERMOM

Except not.

I was thinking the other day about some of the articles in newsweek regarding the gender gap in pay and promotions.

Studies show it doesn't have anything to do with women having children and the dual role many women find themselves in, but I think I disagree -- it is because women with children are balancing two major roles and whether or not the husband does equal share, for most women (and really just ask most women) they take on the family role in ways that can't always be measured, but have an effect on work.

I think it's still only a small percentage of men that leave the workforce to raise a child, and we live in a culture that has taken a turn toward placing more value on moms that stay home -- it's okay now to take a few years out of a career. This is a good thing, but it does mean going back into a career can be a bit dicey, and the income you earn may not be as high as if you hadn't, and in some cases, as when you left. Here's a few non-statistical reasons the gender gap could still exist:

• Many women take on jobs and careers, but put a lot of effort into balancing the two -- this balance often leads to women not working overtime as much, not doing the political-social games work requires as much and having to take time off to be with a sick kid. Whether or not the father is doing the same is moot. When a women leaves work to take care of a sick kid she's a 'mom' first.
  
• Women without children are still expected to leave the workforce and have a baby by their male counterparts -- think I'm kidding? I worked in a largely male environment and when new woman came onto the team through conversations she let people know she had no desire to have children. I was flabbergasted when through casual conversations, many of the men (young men, mind you, who should know better) still believed that in a year or so she'd end up wanting a baby. What they told me? All women come in saying they don't want kids, but most really do and they'll end up getting pregnant and leaving.
  
• Women who have babies are considered 'questionable' after their pregnancy/maternal leave is over -- this is called risk management, and probably affects every pregnant working woman. The risk is that the woman will decide she doesn't want to return to work after maternity leave, even if she says she does. Some women do find they don't want to return to work, so despite what the woman says, the possibility still exists she won't return. Therefore, a pregnant woman will find that key projects, roles or responsibilities don't land on her plate.
• Women often have multiple priorities in their life -- this is the biggest one I think. Women aren't just living in a world where the top of the ladder is the goal. They are looking for that plateau with a wonderful view where they can both work and raise their children. This means they may not climb as ambitiously as some men might, or it may mean they take a year or five off to raise young children. Or it may mean that they have other goals and desires not met by their career.
  

I'm not trying to make a statement here. But I think until women get to a point where the rules of the workforce work in our favor (and ultimately in mens' favor), where there are many different routes and options to success than one ladder up, and where taking time off isn't the death knoll it currently is, the gender gap will exist. We still live and work in a very patriachal culture that views work as one big game of King of the Hill.

Sometimes you have to share

New vocabulary word:

Vajazzle

Yes, it's something you could have easily lived without knowing.

Countdown to Spring

Well now that I'm back, I was hoping I'd be wittier. My posts would be meaningful. I wouldn't just babble about Bear and Turbo and the Drama, or worse, talk about how I am starting seeds indoor now for the garden and my peas sprouted so crazily that I have to already replant the sprouts...

No... I wasn't going to do that.

Except that I am.

However, when I am witty, and post intelligent thoughts, it'll be on my other site, which I started a while ago and aptly ignored :)

But back to Countdown to Spring... ready?

Here are my top five goals to accomplish before spring:

The Ability to Wear Shorts and T-Shirts -- this requires eating better, losing weight and explains why I've re-subscribed to Shape magazine

The Ability to Use a Rip-Stick -- I call it a wiggle-board, and for me it's easier to deal with than a skateboard, but I have yet to accomplish going more than 10 feet on it.

The Ability to Consistently Blog -- Because I'm convinced my spring blogging will be SO much more entertaining than ever

The Ability to Grow Plants -- Last year I grew a cool salsa verde garden: tomatillos, cilantro and tomatos -- I'm hoping to have a rousing success this year with everything... and not go overboard on tomatoes. Seriously. One tomato plant is enough.

The Ability to Wake Up at 5:30 a.m. and Be Happy About It -- It's a long shot, but hey, if I can just get up at 5:30, I could do sooo much more by ten a.m. then most people do in a day...

It's been that long!

Time passes quickly, but you don't realize how quickly til you check your blog and you're like oh my holy hell, the last time it's been updated, was December! YIKES...

Today is a day of spring. It looks like spring. It feels like spring. My six year old is coughing like it's spring. Therefore it must be spring. I have, however, spent enough time in Colorado to know that we've got a few more cold days, and a snowstorm or two left to go, before we can honestly yell about spring.

So...

Happy Spring-like day!

And to celebrate this spring-like day, I shall remain here, home, with my coughing 'allergic to spring' child, and plant some seeds indoors. Because, yeah, sure, I can take the day off from work for my sick kid and you know, do laundry and clean, or, I can do fun spring stuff, like plant seeds.

Cuz I sure as heck n crap didn't stay home to clean and do laundry!

Late night flare up

I don't think I can leave this blog.... though I tried...

Anyhow, things have finally sort of settled down. I'm in my new job, which so far I'm enjoying as much as one can enjoy a job. The boys are in school, the tween in 7th grade and tonight, at 11:14 p.m. I'm listening to Bear snore. He had an asthma flare, if that's what it's called. I saw it coming earlier today. He starts talking in a rushed, fast way and then gets tired. I was listening to his voice, but he didn't seem tired, so I just left it. Then, he told me he was going to go to bed soon...at 6! because he was tired. Rushed talking? Check. Tired? Check. Fever? Check. So when I heard what sounded like Darth Vader taking off his mask, I went into his room and saw how awful his breathing was, and gave him his meds. Because I'm not a rational parent at moments like this, I refuse to leave him in his bed (I know, I know) because I can tell right now, that at 2 a.m., I'll have to give him another treatment, and that I'll probably drag him into the bathroom and run the hot shower for some steam for his congestion. I'll also probably start giving him his daily meds too, now, just through the winter.

Now, I know this is probably the dullest post ever, but hey, it's 11:14 p.m. on a cold, dry night and I'm listening to Mini Vader. I can only be so creative!!!!

New Beginnings

This still doesn't feel real, this new life. The kids are all in school during the day. I'm working from home part time, and writing. For me. For real. 

I don't know how long this reprieve will last, it depends, I  suppose, on how successful I am at marketing my writing, and if I go back to work full time. 

But, rather than add to my 'professional site' (which will start being updated regularly tomorrow) the personal ramblings will remain here.

Day 1.

I did my part time work, tossed some laundry in and took my spastic Allie for a walk. She's a breed that needs both company and exercise, and my being home suits her just fine. It means a nice long mid-day walk, more dog park time and constant companionship. For both of us. Without being chased down by little boys and caught up in a tween's drama.

The house is so quiet, it's amazing how much I'm enjoying it. I didn't think quiet could be this satisfying. It is. A girl could get used to it. After my morning of not quite 'getting' that this was my new place, this quiet time, I took Allie for her walk and passed by a house I always passed but never noticed. It's on a corner lot, a big brown brick square that was prevented from looking imposing by the two full old trees that leaned toward it, keeping it pushed back. The yard was fenced with those adorable brown log fences and had a cute circular patch of flowers. It was messy, and the little tricycle in the path, tossed there on a whim and left for some other distraction, gave me an indication of why. I decided to like that house on the corner. I had never noticed it before, but now that I have, I shall notice it every time, and see something new and lovely about it. It's just what happens.

I also passed a creek on my walk, the same creek I always pass. But this time, the rushing of the water seemed more enticing, and I lingered there and saw just how clear the water was today. I saw the stones on the creek floor and understand now why it was that one day this summer as I was passing the creek, I found two kids playing in the water under the bridge. I wouldn't recommend it, but I now understood what drove them in. 

So next time, I have decided, when I take Allie on her afternoon or morning walks, I will have to bring a camera, take some pictures and practice some reflective writing. If I don't do it here, it ends up in my stories, usually to their detriment.

Me Be Done

I'm still doing my other blog... and will start dedicating official time for that in the next week and a half.

But... in exciting lahdeeda news...

I'm going to pursue writing full time!

YAY.

Kids in school.

Well, along with some remote p/t work for my current company which, sadly, I decided to leave the f/t position.. but... happily.... FREE WRITING TIME!

I have one book I can finally edit properly and try to send out for publishing (scary!)
I have one book in the works mentally (seriously, I should take notes on my thoughts)
I have a bunch of short stories I'm going to try to get out!

Tah!

School Countdown

T-Minus Nine Days.....

First day of Kindergarten for the boys... bit worried about my Bear, he's not happy about it, Turbo is... well... ready to get on with the rest of his life already.

First day of 7th Grade for Drama Girl. Hoping there is less drama this year... really, could use a less dramatic year!!!!

Harry Potter summer fun

Saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

I just think Snapes is very cool, I know, it's weird.

Family had fun, and I can't think of a better way to spend an overly hot summer day than to hide out in a cool movie theater watching a fun family film.

Day = Success.

BACK with news

Nothing grand or exciting news but news :)

I have a serious site here.

I work as a career advisor (crazy I know).

I'm working as community manager for an indie game -- re: no money :) or community yet heh.

I'm one month away from finishing my MBA and being done with school for, pretty much, ever. :) cuz you know, when you're done, you're just SO very Done.

My boys are starting kindergarten at a charter school I've drooled over since we first moved here and I heard of it :) Yay.

I survived my tween surviving sixth grade.

I've decided to 'go for it' and you should see me blogging about a variety of attempts to actually get published in print in various mediums.

I'm going to be a writer that gets paid for writing.

Come hell or high water.

Wanna come along for the ride?

Best Writer Blogs

Okay people,

Who are still reading... ha ha ha....

Best writer blogs? Any favorites?

Welcome to the Darkness

So,

We're in a recession, unlike anything ever seen before, except the Great Depression.

Which isn't going to happen. But boy oh boy we might get close...

Doom.
Darkness.
Destruction.

Any paper you open, any news article you read, any opinion, it is nothing but bad news.
Where is our American spirit? Where is our American faith? Where is our American 'we can do this' attitude?

According to our papers, our media, our 'fourth estate' there is no American optimism, no American spirit, nothing to work toward.

I can not believe that.

Times may be hard, but are not the strongest borne from hard times?

Ahh, February

I disappeared again. It just happens.

It's insane what working full time, going to school and taking care of kids will do to time. Mainly, make it disappear.

What I have discovered, however, is now I have a clearer direction than I did before working.
I have... a plan.

Goals. Ideas. All these things I thought I didn't have time to make, it turns out, whoa, that it wasn't time that I needed, but a jump start, a boost, a new beginning...

So... I've got my job. But it truly is just the beginning, and I'm excited to think of the possibilities for where I can go from here.

Not the sky, I'm not aiming that high. Just the realization of long-held desires (that, ironically, have absolutely nothing to do with the job I know hold...).

It's going to be an interesting year!

Employment -- welcome back to work

Well,

Five years I stayed home and took care of Turbo and Bear, and Drama Girl.
Five years, while I stayed home taking care of them, being the stay-at-home-mom of these kids, I went to school.

I've gotten my masters. I'm finishing up my M.B.A.

And I have a job.

I start in January, and while I'm happy I have a job, truthfully, I have a lot of mixed feelings.

It's not the ideal job, it's not the job I would have wanted to go back to work for, but I am taking it because jobs are quite quite scarce.

It is the first job where there seems to be little amounts of freedom and creativity. They did mention there would be creative latitude in the job, but we'll see.

It's further away than I'd like -- I hate driving at night, and I hate driving in the winter. I'll be driving at night in the winter because the hours are... off-hours. I get off work at 7.

Saying all of that,

It'll be good to make a paycheck again.
I'll still get the kids off to school in the morning.
It seems like a job I can leave at the office.

It's just that, I had jobs before that were cushy, nice, jobs, and I wonder, is this the right job?

Now, clearly, I'm not wondering so much as to turn it down. Not an idiot, here... The second income is going to help us, it's going to be nice knowing I can work, it's a start into a new career that will potentially lead me to exactly what I had before, only in a field I like.... but... I'll miss being a stay at home mom, and I"ll miss having a creative job and I'll miss all sorts of things I'm not aware of right now. I'll certainly miss the freedom!

It's a new thing, on a new road and I have no plans for it. I have no idea where it will lead me, if anywhere. It's an unknown.

Honestly, though, I don't know if I should be receiving congratulations or condolences!!!!

I will, however, be going shopping for new clothes.