Case of the Rainy Green Poop

Yes, what a lovely topic.

But it's not just about raining green poop, no, it is the events of a day that can only result in future therapy for Turbo Boy, and true severe reactions to furniture stores of all types.

Green pants, however, reign supreme.

It all started innocently enough.

We ventured out today to buy a kitchen table, since we're still using one of those gray plastic card tables. It all started out great, with a lunch at chilis. It went fairly well at Pier One where we found a counter height kitchen table (sale, thank you) that I like but Hubby McRed, who may also be known as "Tempermental Artist Hair" for reasons I may or may not blog about, is still unsure of the color, even though we now own it. We then went to Flat Irons, or Shopping Mecca Unlike Anything Seen in the East or West, where the trouble started.

Turbo and Bear were half asleep, but willing to venture into The Great Indoors, also known as "Large Massive Store of Overpriced, but Perty, Furniture, Furnishings and Flooring (I saw the soaking tub get-up that one day I Will Own And Put In My Mini-Castle In The Mountains... moving on...

...to escalaters, and, sheltered I am not, but yet I have not ever seen this contraption, an escalater for shopping carts. In the confusion as to what I was supposed to do to get the shopping car to go up, and my disbelief that it would work or was even a good idea, my son wandered ON TO THE ESCALATER. Okay, he's THREE. It's not the moving up that worries me. It's the getting off. He's three, he could tumble and fall all the way back down.

There are differing opinions on how I reacted, and I do not believe that I 'freaked out' as TAH would have you believe. Instead, I, in my wedge heels and still-healing ankle, merely yelled "Jesus Christ" and asked Drama to please run on to the escalaters to hold his hand. Drama ran and did this, but, inexplicably didn't hold his hand. He looked back. Apparently because after saying, not as loudly as one might insist, Jesus Christ, I called his name, he looked back, and fell.

Okay, fell is harsh. Also, I am not a big fan of the JC exclamation, but for some reason, seeing my little three year old all alone on that escalator, it's what came out. Perhaps I was hoping he would appear and do something, seeing as TAH just stood there, figuring if we left him alone he'd be fine.

Well. He fell, yes, but down one step. Then, since the escalater was constantly moving up, and he was trying to get up and crawl off, he really just ended up crawling in one spot yelling 'help momma help come get me.' To which I bravely hurled myself, wedge heel and weak ankle and all, on to the escalater, grasping poor Turbo into my arms, and carrying him up, all the while listening to him say 'get me momma. you came and get me.'

Now, this would have been fine, if we got off, and he carried on happily.

This did not happen.

"that was scary. that was scary. you got me. you got me momma? Hold my hand momma. I want a hand. Don't let go momma. that was scarry. We don't go down. we don't want to go down."

Uh oh.

So after a stroll around the upper level with the scared Drama, and the continuing commentary of his harrowing five seconds, it was time to go down. TAH held his hand and they talked about being brave and not being scared.

To which, upon getting off the escalater, went right out the window as Turbo grasped my hand and said 'it wasn't scary' with the most unconvincing look ever.

Then, to my horror, said "...but I fell and you got me, and you got me cuz I fell and you didn't get me, I'd be lost and go away and then I'd be all gone...."

Ummm.

OH NO....

uh oh.

"I'd be lost, and go away and then I'd be all gone."

Okay. WHY he would think that if I didn't get him he'd disappear and be gone, I'm not sure, but this thought was why I had to hold his hand in the truck until the other mall trip, ASSURING him with all my heart that I did get him and would never let him go (awwww) Now I wanted to burst out and go "OH MY BABY it's okay, I'll NEVER let you go, NOT EVER, OH BABY, MOMMA LOVES YOU, and I promise, I PROMISE, we will never go on another ESCALATOR again" but all that would do was reassure him that yes, he could have disappeared forever. So instead I said, "Oh honey, you fell, that was scary, huh? But you're okay now." In a confident, reassuring, Momma knows for real you would never have disappeared and never once DOUBTED that you would.

And you think this story should end now, right? Well, it does, for the escalator trauma sort of ended, after an hour of reassuring commentary, hold handing, and not letting go of Mommy...and the ensuing argument of the proper way the situation SHOULD have been handled between TAH and me.

But then, we went to the mall (elevators only). With two tired three year olds, one recently truamatized in a furniture store. So we got a double-decker fire truck stroller (way cool) and roamed the Mecca of All Malls East and West. Then, we smelled something. Something most foul. The Something Most Foul was temporarily drowned out by the excessive fruity mango scents of the Body Shop (they do home shows now, who knew?) but it became apparent Mom would have to change him.

And Mom did.

Utterly.

"It's rainy green poop, mom" said Turbo the Traumatized.
"Yes, it is," said Mom, wiping bright, flourescent green poop off said Turbo's butt. See, it was rainy, bright green, and liquidy. Someone has an icky sour tummy, I suspect Capt. Crunch Berries. I mean, why else would he be flourescent green? It leaked through his diaper onto his pants. I changed his diaper, and then, refusing to put icky wet, green-pooped-laden diapers on my son, stuck him, diaper and shoes (socks had to go too) in the stroller. I rolled the pants and socks up and stuck them in a plastic bag. Out we went to TAH, who's rolling his eyes at the time it took. Yes, I'd like to see what HE would have done.

He sees Turbo and shakes his head. This has happened before, about seven years ago, in a toy store in North Dakota, with Drama girl. We then went to the nearest children's store to buy Turbo pants. He ends up with overpriced shorts ($20 gimme a break) because someone (TAH) was too impatient to actually look at the price. Okay, in his defense, I don't think he actually knew that they made kid shorts that would cost $20. Turbo sees the pants and yells "I LOVE GREEN PANTS I LOVE GREEN PANTS' and gets all giddy putting them on.

So the story should end here, right?

HA HA HA HA

We are not brave fools, we are simply tenacious. We need furnishings. There is no other choice. We can not wait for the children to be in the right 'mood' for furniture shopping. There is no mood for that. So we move on.

We go to Westminster to check out this uber awesome furniture store that TAH neglected to tell me about. Now let it be said, that if Hubby McRed had told me of this store two weeks ago, we would have not had to spend two weekends scouring the local area's overpriced furniture stores for what we wanted, but 'nuff said.

It felt like HOURS, but finally, FINALLY we find what we are looking for. Well, what we want, but don't need for a few months. We NEEDED an arm chair, we ended up with a love seat and two chairs and ottomans. In our defense, all of it for the SAME PRICE (I love caps) as one arm chair from say, an overpriced furniture store. We also needed counter height chairs for our new dining room table, but neglected to find those, instead finding the perfect counter height table that TAH thought was perfect, but as I mentioned, since he never even bothered to mention this warehouse-sized furniture store to me, he can stuff it.

Something rotten then began to stink, almost as much as the behavior of the now over-tired and over-bored three year olds, who have begun tossing pillow cushions on the floor. Problem, I brought three diapers, I mean, these are three year olds being potty trained, who have one regular poop a day. I was not prepared for rainy green poop. All three diapers had been used. I did my best. I stuck Turbo in the stall, wiped up his little bright green ass, and, lacking a diaper, wiped up the icky green diaper as much as I could. Now, refusing to stick an icky wet green diaper back on my son's butt, I placed three layers of paper towels over the icky diaper, THEN put it back on (Like I said, I had no diapers, having used all three, and it was clear to me NOT having a diaper could result in a far worse situation) and said okay baby, we're all done shopping now. And we were.

Now, the grumpy icky tummy boy is in bed, hopefully the worst of the rainy green poop is gone. I fear however, that Bear is just starting his. Hubby McRed, no longer being called TAH, is now not feeling good, though this probably has to do with the Indian he ate tonight, been awhile since he's had the Indian food.

I am finally chilling.

blind dilemma

Okay,

So ignore the midnight anxiety attack about blinds. It's a stress thing.

I'm just going to call tomorrow afternoon and enquire as to the time frame. I know it takes a while to get blinds, so I put up those temporary pleated blinds, and we got curtains for our bedroom, so I'm happy. I'll be getting my daughter her curtains later this week (easy easy since she's doing fairies and a blue room) and the boys will have to be ordered online. (Why can't builders install regular-sized windows, not windows that are 3/4 of a size different?)

Let me just say, I took a bath in my deep soaking tub, and it was bliss. I'm now content.

Still unpacking (ugh) and trying to get rid of the boxes and paper (may resort to slipping items into the builder's dumpster next door ha ha ha) but I'm mostly done.

I found the perfect place to get our kitchen table and 'club chair' because we are doing Scandinavian style inspired room furnishings. By room furnishings, I mean the kitchen table and club chair, we're not refurnishing the whole house, tempting as some of those couches were. You don't come out of a financial recovery with a furniture shopping spree!

The boys got new toddler sleigh beds, courtesy Walmart, $50 a pop. Drama is getting a loft bed next month after cutting her a deal that basically resulted in her getting to get a loft bed if she'd wait a month.

So far, all is well, and we are settling. I will feel settled as soon as paint is on the walls. I despise builder white. I'm allergic to it!

how's everyone else?

Blinds blinds blinds

Why is it so hard to get blinds?

I'm still waiting for the home depot to call and set up a time for the measurements.

Actually, at this point, I pretty much decided tomorrow I'm probably going to go back and cancel the order, and use budget blinds. See, I have to wait for the home depot to take measurements before the blinds can even be ordered. Which takes two weeks. It's already been three days and I haven't even received a phone call to schedule a time just to take measurements. Which means that the person won't even be out til sometime late next week. Then, the blinds ordered after that.... The most annoying thing is how annoyed I am with it. I can't even sleep because I'm annoyed they never even bothered to call to set up an appointment. I'm also bothered that it's just going to take so long. I was willing to wait say, two weeks from today. But not two weeks from next Wednesday.... argh.

I"m kind of annoyed because I liked the blinds I picked out, but I don't want to wait three more weeks with wide open windows on the lower level (we're doing our own window treatments upstairs) so... I think I have to ix nay home depot. Should I wait or not wait? I'm definitely going to call home depot, but sheesh, why is it so hard to be professionally timely?

Anyone work with budget blinds?

In Home, Have Web.

Weeee.

I am living in my own home again.

With internet.

And cable.

But no window treatments... EXHIBITIONIST!

The Home Depot man is supposed to call to set up an appt. for measurements. If he doesn't call today I'm calling the home depot. He has time, it takes two weeks to get the ones I want in (Bali, faux wood, yeah I said faux, what's it to you? Coconut Sandblast, which has a 'faux sanded wood' texture... Bali had an awesome sale -- I PERSONALLY was going to go with 'el home depot cheapo faux wood, but Hubby McRed pointed out we'd only be doing this once, so why not do it right, but faux right, no need to get carried away...

That only leaves the upstairs... Curtains for Drama Girl (and let me tell you, there was much drama when Drama was yakking up her guts the other night... why can't she at least TRY yakking with just a bit of courtesy.... maybe without the aaahhh no no aaaah's or the loud squeals from the acid burns.... I mean it was 2 a.m. for crying out loud, you think she was yakking up alien octupi that spawned in her gut...)

I am thinking shades in the boys room, because they have four windows, and curtains would be just waaay too much.

Well,

YES I'm back weeeeee

Colorado Lottery

No, I did not win the 142 million dollar lottery.

I'm sure it was just a mistake, and we will win the 162 million dollar lottery....

Got Da Money

Okay,

We finally got our money. Turns out they didn't bother funding the other day. Sheesh.

But all is well now.

Except I have to visit the Dread Laws, and that is another blog all unto itself.

I may start a Dread Law blog, depending on how things go.

If you think I exaggerate, and it's just a case of in-law fussiness, you haven't met them or heard the stories. I won't even START the stories now, because it's an entire blog unto itself. Trust me when I say, Dread Law is correct. Darth Law works as well, too. I'm assured things are going to be different, and they aren't going to 'start' but as far as I know, Hell is still pretty freakin' hot...

On the CUTE side of things, Little Miss Drama gave Grandma a BIIIIIIG hug and said she LOVED her, truly sincerely. I mean it was a bear hug. It was cute. Grandpa Bob (her husband, who is just grandpa because what are we going to call him? step grandpa? His name would be inappropriate... anyhow who cares they've been married 15 years) thought it was just so adorable. Turbo and Bear finally warmed up to them all and Turbo fell asleep on Grandma's lap. Cute, considering he spends most of his time telling her 'no, just mommy.'

They've made us feel really welcome here, and this may be a flaw. You see, they did the basement for us, for our visit at Christmas, which was never to be. So then they gave it to my husband for two months while he was working in Colorado and I was back in Wash. Now we are all here, in their souped up basement. I mean, it's got the good carpeting, tile bathroom with hot hot shower, a big comfy bed, cable television, desk with internet, it's decorated to the hilt, I mean, you know, if you only want guests to stay a few days, this isn't the setup that says 'leave in three days'.... ha ha ha.

We're only here til Thursday. It's a longer than normal visit. I've been TRYING to not make a huge footprint but I have three kids, it's hard. So I do dishes and clean up counters and messes and pick up toys and shoes ugh. I don't mind doing it becasue it's not my house but wow it is nice to just leave stuff around every now and again ;) (but really rude when you're at grandma's and it's all soooo nice and pretty... apparently Hubby McRed got his decorating genes from his mom)

So so far all is well on this end.

Ta!

Nooo money yet

Bastages.

GIVE ME MY MONEY..,.

So when they said they were funding yesterday, they apparently didn't.

So when they then said that it would post after midnight, it didn't.

PEOPLE...

There are folks living in my old home, and I have no money.

GIVE ME MY MONEY....

aaahhhhh

My Realtor

On why I don't have my money from the house yet...

So I thought the borrowers were just being spastic pinheads that coudldn't get their shit together and kept forgetting documents.

nope.

So apparently, the stock market went bimpity boom.
Lenders have to be able to sell their loans on the secondary market.
Stock market going bimpity boom means that things need to be adjusted, tightened or loosened, based on the market.
So when it went bimpity boom, some requirements on the loans changed, and those changes needed to be incorporated into the documents and resigned. So this took time. Like, four days so far. Okay, three days. But still.

The good news is....

The buyers signed all their paperwork at 3 p.m. today. Which means all the paperwork went to the lender tonight, to be HOPEFULLY recorded and funded tomorrow. I can not imagine WHY it would not be recorded and funded tomorrow, but I'm sure if the lender can find a way to not fund it until Friday, then the lender will use it and not fund til Friday JUST to torment me. However, I'm pretty confident I'm going to get my money since I don't believe anyone would allow the buyers to actually sign closing papers and go to their new home with their new key if they didn't have the loan funding set up. My realtor didn't want to say they would fund tomorrow. This is because she said they'd fund today. I think orginally they wanted a 24 hour doc review, but had agreed not to for this loan. I don't know. I just want my damned money.

So, any lender legalese guys/gals out there who can tell me what the frack is going on or was going on? My realtor insinuated that we weren't the only ones suffering this, and that it was all new ground since it's been so long since the market went bimpity boom.

Anyone? bankers? lenders?
Pretty please?

Colorado

We're here.

We got here after a straight 20-hour drive (literally, and no, you should never do it yourself) sometime Sunday afternoon. Monday I had to meet the movers at the storage unit. Today I had to run around and find a way to open a bank account that would actually let me get my money out, and now, I'm here to say HI I"M HERE, and catch up on homework, and hopefully, sometime this week, sleep.

:)

I will be visiting all my fave blogs this week! I've MISSED them lol. Hope everyone is having fun!

Irony

Hubby McRed always thinks we are too slow. We are never ready on time, we are never truly prepared, we are never accomodating. (We, being his wife and three children) We slow progress down. We go out of our way to manipulate the universe into going slower. If we were in charge of evolution, we'd barely be out of the marshes.

So, we were going to move today, but now, must wait until tomorrow to make the drive.

Why? What happened? What is the hold up?

......


Hubby McRed's 16-year old Nissan, 300z twin turbo, can't make the drive to Colorado and has to be specially treated to a $1500 (YES I KNOW) carrier service, of which, when given a four day window to pick up the car, called yesterday to say it'd be picked up today, then called this morning to say 'at 7 p.m.' then called again at 7 p.m. to say 'midnight.'

So.

Why are we still here?

Not because of Mom, or the kids, or the cats, (of which only one belongs to me actually) but because of his car.

I refuse to let him even think grumpy thoughts about me, because we were ready to go at 6!

So that is irony. However, Hubby McRed is in too foul a mood for me to express that ironic sentiment. I'll give him a month or three before pointing it out....