Friday, February 16, 2007

The plans of others...

One of my biggest pet peeves in life is how some people feel perfectly justified in making plans for other people, this case, other being me.

Hubby McRed is residing in Colorado, yes, this is true.

I, however, with our three children, currently reside in Washington state. We are moving to Colorado, but not yet there. My current plans involve packing, calling utilities, and preparing to move. I don't have any plans for when I'm in Colorado other than: Move in, get daughter set up at local school, unpack and start looking for a job. This, of course, is after a week staying at Hubby McRed's mother's place. That in itself is not bad. Actually, it is bad, but for her, not me. I feel for her. It's been decades since she's had young'uns running around. There are no plans beyond them volunteering to do the occasional help me with the kids or babysit at some point or another.

I am not interested in making other plans. This is a lot as it is. It's a huge move, it's a huge adjustment for the kids, and it's going to take time to settle into a routine.

Other plans are being made for me, however. Now, these plans sound wonderful, until you put them in context with the situation and oh, what I want.

There are offerings of, when we first get there, others taking the children for the night so Hubby McRed can run around and pretend we are single. GREAT! You are thinking. What's wrong with that?

This follows other suggestions. The first was to buy an overpriced home of a friend's we couldn't afford. The second, after a very annoying phone call at 1:30 a.m. resulted in the brilliant suggestion that someone fly out to Washington for a few days to be with me and the children, that someone not being my husband, and in fact, not being someone I'm on the best of terms with. The third was a silly notion of classes to learn a card game so presumably we could meet and play cards.

The visit, of course, never happened. I'm not taking classes to learn how to play a card game. And of course, we're not going to buy an overpriced home we can't really afford.

But the last offer is great, right?

Well, lets see.

I'm not in Colorado yet. I haven't moved in anywhere. I haven't settled things. We haven't closed on the house yet, the one here or there. This means money is tight. There's no way that a get-a-way is going to relax me when there's still so much going on, and I'm not really sure we have the budget for it. Maybe in a few months, but not in the first few weeks of just arriving. It's just how I am. I need to settle first.

The preschoolers don't know these people. It doesn't matter they are relatives. Turbo and Bear haven't seen these people since they were less than a year old. So essentially, we'd make this huge move, leaving their familiar home behind, and then mommy and daddy would drop them off at a 'new place' and take off, and they'd be stuck with, well, strangers, who have no idea how to care for preschoolers (we have huuuge differences in discipline.) Or am I the only person who thinks of things like this? Not to mention, none of the issues I have with these people are anywhere near resolved. Apparently, I'm supposed to pretend nothing happened, hand over the kids, and call it a night because everyone else has ASSURED me everything is fine now. /boggle/

The other issues with these people haven't been resolved. Hubby McRed assures me that they are different. Yet, they seem to be the same to me. I wanted a week or two to adjust and settle a bit before having to handle these 'issues.' I'm not convinced they have changed. I wanted to go slow, to really take things one small step at a time. How else could I trust this sudden converstion? The first step they want to take, is to take the kids for a night at a time of their choosing. And it's not just an offer. They will repeat this 'offer' over and over and over ignoring all the "no's" until it becomes a fight.

Well, I'm not doing it.

Relationships aren't so easily mended (especially when they've been so utterly mangled with disrespect and pinheadedness) and I'm not stepping into the exact same pattern I was tossed unwillingly in the last time. This time, things will go slow, and I'm not dumping my kids on people they don't really know for a 'getaway that isn't really a getaway, but just me worrying for 24 hours about the kids, the house, the budget, the new school....

I mean, lets start with a dinner first, let the kids get to know you.

Of course, Hubby McRed supposedly TOLD them this, that we needed to go slow (he probably did) but this is the response? To totally dump invite after invite, obligation after obligation on us? Ugh.

Yes this is purely a rant. But, these people drive me looney, and I don't care who you are, you don't change in two months.


Melanie said...

I feel for you. I KNOW how it is to have in-laws like that. I HAVE in-laws like that. You're moving too close!!! I can't wait to get away from mine! Not that it's looking like that will happen any time soon, but I can hope.

Pageant Mom said...

I would definitely give the kids a warm-up period. Geez, this is a pretty big change for them, and although I agree you and hubby need to get away, now is probably not a good time, and your head wouldn't be in it anyway...

If these folks really care, they'll be cool with a dinner to meet the kids etc. and taking it slow from there.

I'm still jealous you get to live in Colorado.

Anonymous said...

So I guess this means my plan of you driving out here to visit before going back to Colorado is out? :-(