Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Phasing Out

I, hereby and herforth from this dayeth ontoth the end of thy dayeths, renounce all efforts to join the freakin pollyanna 1950s retro mom's club.

It's been oh, I don't know. Probably six months since I started really going and trying to make an effort. Six months, not one of those 40 women know me. I mean, they know my name and that I have three kids, but they don't know me. At all. Nor do they really care to. I would like to know a few of them, but they all are closed to me. Which means one thing. We are sooo not going to click. See, I like to know the people I hang out with. Not everything, everyone has secrets or things they don't share, that's fine. But well, likes, dislikes, ideas, dreams, past, anything. I know nothing about these women except their kids names (because they are always using them) and sometimes their names. No matter how many times I try, I can not synchronize my brain patterns to theirs. We dont' communicate on the same level, meaning, not at all. Oh I'm sure some of them know each other, in fact, they probably have bonded and are not so closed with each other, but I've been going for about six months and I'm still the outsider. Ummm so this whole thing is so not happening.

But I don't want to just drop it. It's not that I think they would miss me. That's part of the reason I'm dropping the club. They wouldn't miss me. Wouldn't even wonder about me, except in passing and then a 'oh huh hmph oh well' no, I'm going to just drift away and not renew my membership this fall. I'll drag the kiddos there to morning playgroups with my poor daughter who'll be bored, giving me a reason to leave early, and that's that. I'm going to ix nay bunco night for the library's book club and not try to force my hexagonal shape into their perfect square pegs.

I say square pegs because while I am sure that in their own homes some of them may use some off-color language, in a group mentality it is all gosh darnit goodness politeness, hi how are you how have you been oh nice nice nice nice nice. Not a bad word. Not an off-color word. Lots of watching though. I just remembered that. They are always watching sorta, which means they are probably judging which means I've probably broken a bunch of secret behavior rules I didn't know about but whatever. So. Uber polite. Perfectly proper outfits. Perfectly proper rules for the kids "oh we give them healthy snacks, we want them to eat healthy..." as they shove tater casserole onto the kids plates cuz yeah THAT is healthy... anyhow I digress. They are super polite and proper and while they don't have tupperware parties, they are big into stamping.

Now here's the thing. I'm sick of being all nice about them. I always say, it's me not giving them a chance, or it's just I don't know them, or it's just I'm from a different coast and there's a cultural divide or 'I'm just a different sorta person anyhow so it'll take time...' and I'm sick of it. I'm fine. I'm interesting. Dammit, I am occasionally even funny. (Thought I admit my blogs are rambling and long...)

So I'm going to rant, okay? No no they aren't bad people, nooo it's all me, just my imagination. They are fine, it's juuuust me... Whatever. This is a club that's supposed to welcome new members, and I feel about as welcome as a cat in a dog pound. Oh sure they started a welcoming committee for new members like AFTER I joined. It seems the best time to join a mom's club is right when you have a kid, at birth, so you can go and grow together. For me it's too late. My boys were toddlers when we joined. No bonding time. I go to event after event, and still, have no clue what half these women do when they aren't attending mom's club stuff. They had movie night once, which I was like, great I can do that, but they cancelled it, and haven't rescheduled since. Bunco night is more of the same women. I'm convinced one of the woman doesn't like me at all, which is fine, but she like, WAS the new member coordinator. So I'm being all nice and polite about these woman that aren't really accepting me no matter how I try (except for one who is very nice and I like her, but um, ONE out of 40+? Yikes.) I'm all nice and end up sitting alone because nobody really talks to me since they don't know me. When I try to talk to people, they don't take the conversation anywhere. Now, I know I'm a pretty decent conversationalist. I may not be the most charismatic person in the world, but I do have my moments. No, they just aren't interested. And no matter how hard I try, I can not enter the twilight dimension that is their world. For all I know, their whole world is mom's club. So. Enough being nice about them. I'm sick of being nice about people that care so little for me if I really DID just drop out completely they'd probably never ask if I was okay.

So, to be quite frank, blunt, and not polyanna polite,

Fuck Em.


Laney Greene said...

What the hell! Did I know about this club you had joined? You and I are not like that.

Lahdeedah said...

If you were here, we'd start our own damned club. P.S. Now I found your blog, i'm sooo linking it :)